Socially Awkward
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Hello, my friend. Thank you so much for joining me today as I explore an area of my life that continues to perplex me, which is I think I might be a little bit socially awkward these days. I'm totally out of practice and I keep having these, like, weird exchanges with people. That I haven't seen in a really long time, and I think maybe that's part of it. But I don't know.
I'm just feeling like I forgot how to be social or maybe I'm always socially awkward. Who really knows? But I thought maybe it would be helpful to explore it with you today. Because this is something that comes up in the therapy office. A lot is that people feel really socially awkward.
So whether it's like from the last three years or from the beginning of time, if you feel like you're somebody who's kind of socially awkward sometimes, stick with me, and I'll give you some tips. To help you feel a little more grounded and authentic. And a lady just a little bit less awkward. Although, you know, it's kinda hard being social, especially if you're introverted or if you're the kind of person this is how I am. Sometimes, like, when I go out in the world around to, like, run my errands and bebop along, you know.
I'm not really thinking I wanna see somebody I know and that's kinda dumb because actually I live in a tiny town where you always see somebody you know. But I just don't expect it. And so, like, I get really thrown off. And then if people ask me questions, that I don't know the answers to, it feels really weird to me. So are you relating?
See, we're all a little socially awkward. People right now, I think are just really unsure of what to say to each other. Like, oh, hey, haven't seen you in three years. How are you? How is your Panda?
I don't know. What are we supposed to say? People are worried about, like, how they're coming off to other people, and I can relate to that. Because I've left plenty of exchanges being like, dude. I think that that person might think you're not okay.
Made day day drinking. Right? Yeah. I mean, it's hard to know, right, how you how you appear to others. And I think that that can be a subject that the brain really likes to pontificate on.
Don't you? And I also think people feel really still, like, kinda stilted, you know, like a little bit stiff. But here's the deal. It's okay to feel socially awkward because I mean, the thing is is that not every person grew up learning about how to have good social skills. That's one thing.
Because a lot of people feel socially awkward all the time, not just like post pandemic. And so just remember that sometimes we just don't learn all the skills that we need to learn in life And if you feel socially awkward, there's a couple things happening. And it's your, like, your project basically could be like, how do I work on this socially awkward thing? So I'll give you some ideas about kind of some approaches that you could maybe take with this and me too. And then maybe we'll go and try it out.
We'll practice because here's the thing. You're not gonna get less socially awkward if you don't actually practice being social. So the number one things that people do, the number one thing that people do when they feel socially awkward is stopping social. This is a bad plan, my friend, because being socially adept is just a skill. And so if you don't have the skill, then it's okay to learn the skill.
You don't have to say, like, oh, I don't I don't do that or I don't go there or I don't I can't You can learn. And so when we avoid, which is what most of us do, we're just like, I'm not doing that because I'm awkward. Don't know what to say to those people. I don't know how to interact with people. I get it up in there or I don't want to go.
I'd rather just be in my pajamas, which for me is pretty much true all the time. But when we do that, the amount of awkward we can handle goes down and down and down. And so what happens is that life gets a little bit smaller. Right? We just, like, start making decisions about what we're gonna do and where we're gonna go based on the fact that we just don't, like, feel like we have a very high skill level at something.
And what I would say is, like, we can't build skills in our pajamas at home. Just saying, we have to go out in the world to build skills. So my number one tip for you is practice. Practice talking to people when you go out in the world. They just random people, strangers.
Have you ever done that? It's good practice because they're strangers like so who cares. But you can try out some little phrases or ways of, quote unquote, being social that you would want to put into your toolbox, basically. So the first couple times might be a little bit awkward. And then, like, maybe you'll find your groove.
Right? So find a safe environment to do that in, like, the grocery store or the Walgreens or whatever. Right? And then just, like, when you're standing in the lines to just say something to the person next to you, like, how's your day going? Or I don't know.
Did you find everything you need today? No. I'm just kidding. Don't say that. That is awkward.
Right? Then they're like, well, as a matter of fact, would you help me find the pie crust? Yeah. Just find a safe place, like, somewhere that you go and then interact with people. And and if you're and if what I'm saying totally freaks you out, like, I'm not gonna talk to random strangers, Rebecca, are you crazy?
Okay. Start smaller. Just smile at people. Look people in their eyeballs. Get used to doing that.
Talk with the grocery store clerk. Right? How's your day going? It so just start really, really small. You know, something that I think is really important to talk about when we're talking about being socially awkward is that it's really important for you to be able to be yourself in your life.
And I believe we talked about this last week, didn't we? If you didn't listen to last week's episode, be sure to press play on that because that might be helpful here. But like being yourself is your right in your life. And so authenticity in your exchanges even if they're awkward is really key. It's actually the more yourself you can be and the more authentic that you are the less you're trying to sort of like make other people like you or worried about what people think about you or any of that.
You're just like out there being yourself. So the more you do that, you're gonna bring people in that actually like the you of you, not the you that you kind of like act like when you have to go out and interact with people. Do not I mean by that? Like, it's way less pressure to just be yourself and be awkward and be like, I'm awkward, whatever. Than it is to try to be somebody that people wanna be with and hang out with and and and think never makes mistakes or never appears awkward.
You know what I mean? Because here's like, kind of the root of things. And one of the things that's really kind of holding up this idea of being socially awkward is that we care too much what other people think about us. And so I think at the end of the day, if we wanna get the root of being socially awkward and just like getting over that, then we have to stop caring what other people think of you. Of us.
What other people think of you is unimportant because, friend, it's not something that you have control over. And so if part of what you experience socially is like all this like brain chatter about, oh, she must think I'm there. So they must do it's not important. It's just brain chatter. It's just your brain doing its thing.
Right? It's not important because it's out of your control. And, frankly, if you think that things that are out of your control are important to fester upon That's difficult. We create our own difficulty right there. So let me save you from that.
And say what other people think of you is not important. It's out of your control. And in the words of Jen's and Sarah, What other people think of you as none of you damn business? And that's just about boundaries. Right?
That's like not being unkind to say, what other people think of me is not my business? It's being bound read. It's like telling other people what I think of you is not your business. Right? It's not anybody's business, what you think, or how you feel, or what you believe.
That's your business. And so have boundaries around how you allow your brain to fester upon such things. I could do a whole episode on that. Because we really care, don't we? What other people think?
And it causes us to feel so awkward and to behave so weirdly. But, you know, what I think is that if we just say what's awkward, when it's awkward, it's so much easier for everybody because if you feel awkward, somebody else probably does too. And if you're just like, I I'm so awkward right now, then, you know, you just kinda like open the door for somebody else to be like, me too. Just like today, I've had a couple of really weird awkward social interactions lately. And today, I was like, you know, A lot of people have those.
And I'm just gonna open that door and be like, is anyone else feeling really socially awkward lately? And then maybe my friend, you'll feel just a little bit better and a little bit normal because we are. We're just humans birthlings over here on this big old wall in the universe trying to figure out what the heck we're supposed to be doing. So get out there and practice, go to safe places, start interacting with people, in a different way than you typically do. In an effort to just build your skills, it's a risk free enterprise.
My friend. So we'll all try a little bit to just increase our skills along the way. Thanks for hanging with me today. I'll see you soon. Thank you so much for listening today.
I love making this podcast and here's what I ask in return. We just forward an episode that you really like on to two or three people, you guys. Listen. If we all do this, we might actually get a little bit closer to living in a fully functioning society. Go to my website at rebekah hunter m s w dot com to see some of my other projects, including online self help classes where I use therapy and coaching techniques to help people with things like overthinking and anxiety, stress, overwhelm, burnout.
Yeah. Super helpful. I have a lot of free resources on my website. And something else that I really like to do is I like to work with companies interested in promoting positive mental health their employees. I love talking to groups of people.
I do it for companies. I do it at retreats. I will literally talk to anybody anytime. So get in touch. And of course, I have my online and in person private practice.
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