Everyone Says That
Speaker 0: You're listening to Takeout Therapy. I'm your host, Rebecca Hunter. I'm a private practice therapist, an anxiety specialist who's doing things differently. In about twenty minutes, I'm here to teach you how to deal with an everyday difficult element of life in a healthier way. This podcast is unscripted, totally unedited.
Just my straight up advice from years of experience. This is not therapy. It's just personal growth for people in a hurry for change. So let's get to work. Hello, friend.
Thanks for stopping in today. It's it's a weird week for me this week. I'm working on a Monday. I've kinda changed my schedule a little bit. I thought it would be sometimes when it's Sunday, I'm like, I'm ready to go to work tomorrow.
And I'm kinda done being here at the house, you know, like watching Netflix or whatever. All the exciting things that I do, watering my plants and whatnot. So I was like, well, I'm gonna work on Mondays now. And so today was the first Monday that I saw a bunch of clients. And it was pretty fun that it was super weird.
Like, my whole body feels all wonky and thrown off and I just can't quite get my act together today. I was thinking about, like, what do I wanna talk about on the podcast? And that it came up for me that, like, people always say, like, I'm so bad at making change. And everybody always says that. And so I started thinking, well, we all say all these things about ourselves and our own capabilities.
To do things or handle things in life. And then what we don't realize and what I'm gonna inform you of today, which might make you laugh a little bit, is like, you're saying things that everyone else is saying too, and you think you're the only one. And oh, man. It's like there's such an impact of that. Right?
Like, I'm over here, like, oh, Rebekah, you know, it's not that hard. You just work on a Monday, like, get your act together. Right? If that's how my relationship with myself is and it's not, but you know, if it were, that would be really hard or like, but I know. I study people for a living.
I'm kind of into it. So I know, like, now, girl, it's because you worked on a Monday that you feel a little out of it and you can't, like, really remember what's going on. Like, why a client ran twenty minutes? You know, I ran twenty minutes over with somebody. And I thought we were going for ten more minutes and the person's like, I gotta go.
Whoops. Sorry. Anyways, it's been that kind of a day. And so it brings me to everyone says the same things about life. And I wanna tell you what they are.
Just from my little lens of, you know, just being a therapist and working with people and understanding and studying the human experience. One thing that everyone says is I don't wanna talk about the past. And this is such an interesting thing. Sorry, I had to take a drink. They say, I don't wanna talk about the past.
So it's it's funny because in the traditional therapy land. I'm sorry, but you can't go to therapy without talking about the past because they're supposed to do like this thing called an assessment, which is basically they ask you about your past so that the therapist can better understand, like, who you are, where you've come from. The therapist understands much more about you from doing an assessment than you kind of, then you really understand about yourself at a certain level, in a certain regard, right, from their lens. And so it's always kind of funny when people would come in and say, I don't wanna talk about the past. Right?
I don't really work in that model of doing things anymore because I really realize, like, people really don't wanna talk about the past. They really just wanna jump right in. And get to work on the things that are impacting their life. And you know what, as a lifer in therapy. I want that too.
I don't wanna be fooling around talking about my parents and all their baggage, and so I get that. But you're not the only person, friend that doesn't wanna talk about the past. You know, just because you talk about the past, which is deeply important in personal growth work by the way, because we have to understand ourselves. So just because we're talking about the past doesn't really mean anything about you. Right?
Like, no one really wants to talk about the past. And yet, it's interesting because in in the process of anxiety, oh, my god. The past is so much a part of things. And so, you know, in my therapy practice, I try to just meet up with people in the present moment, and then we totally talk about the past. But we just kind of do it as we move along.
It's not like tell me everything that's terrible happen to you, you know, as soon as you come in. But everybody always says that. They don't wanna breathe as it the past. You know, the other another thing that people say is, other people have it so much worse than me. And that is a very kind and compassionate thing to say.
It is also an excellent way to diminish and downgrade your own suffering, my friend, because yes, of course, other people had it worse than me. But that doesn't mean that I didn't go through what I went through. It doesn't mean that there isn't inherent difficulty in the process of being an earthline. Wouldn't you agree? Like, this shit's bananas?
Right? So just because other people have it worse than you and me, does it mean that our experience isn't difficult too? Comparing our experience to the experience of other people is never a good plan that never has left me satisfied? How about you? Right?
I think it's better just to like look at your own journey as a long and winding bumpy, sometimes ruddied out country road. Sometimes it turns to gravel, sometimes there's confusing signs, anyways, onward. Another thing that people always say. And I, you know, I see this a lot in the therapy office but I also see the impact of it as well. And the impact of it is is more difficult than the statement itself.
And it's kind of like this idea about If I if I just get better at life, I'm gonna feel a lot better. Right? And there's a couple layers to this. So stick with me here, but it's basically this thing about, like, Maybe I'm feeling kind of the depression. You know, like, I'm kind of in a funk.
And instead of meeting up with myself and being like, hey, friend, What's going on? Why are you feeling so sad these days? Or what kind of emotional crap are we working out now? Which is part of the human experience that we really need to make, you know, a lot of room for. We say to ourselves, well, I mean, you would be feeling so much better if you just ate better.
Like, you really need to get your act together and plan your meals out and do the meal prep and eat whole food. Right? Like we do this thing with ourselves, and then we say, well, if I just could be motivated, you know, like I would feel so much better. And that's a trap. And so many people come into therapy and they're thinking that.
And they're also thinking that their approach, like, the their attitude is, like, my approach just isn't working. Like, I am just no good at this. And so The thing is, my friend, is that we're all saying the same thing. And it's basically like life is really hard. And I don't need to be getting stuck in some emotional territory, and so I'd like to get out of that as quickly as possible.
And I'm just totally screwing up my own chances of being happy. By not doing quote unquote the right thing. That is a rough river to raft, my friend. Because basically it just leads us around in circles. We don't know what we know until we know it.
We can only do what we know to do. You know? Like, do you know what I'm saying? I'm saying, like, if we could do better. We would do better.
I mean, I I cannot stand the idea of self sabotage like that expression just makes me irritated. We don't try to foul up our own stuff And so if you're over there, like, man, if I could just, like, figure out, you know, if I could just, like, get up earlier in the morning that's the ticket. And if I could just figure out how to get myself to do that, everything would be better. You're not alone friend. And that is not the problem.
It's like you might need some more information or you might need to just meet up with yourself and be kind and say, oh, body. I see. I hear you now. You need a day off. Right?
Or I'm just feeling super disconnected and that's how life feel sometimes would make room for that. Right? I know we all have things we wanna do in our life. And we want it to be good, we want it to be perfect. Some of us really want it to be nice and perfect.
I got into that job for a very long time. No mistakes.mistakes are bad. This is other things that everyone says this. We all think this stuff. And I'm saying it out loud and you're probably like, oh my gosh.
It sounds so silly to talk to ourselves that way. As though, like, we should know how to do this. Welcome to Earth. You should know what the hell you're doing. Like, that is not even a thing.
How are we even supposed to know? So I guess what I wanna say is if you're one of these people. Right? Which would mean you're pretty much like a lot of other people that says, if I could just figure out a way out of this, I would feel better. Right?
Or if I could just do this thing. If I could just lose this weight, I would feel better. If I could just feel better about my job or if I could just get up earlier in the morning. Listen to yourself. Because if that was the thing that would get you there, you would have done it by now.
Right? Maybe it's a little bit deeper than that. Or maybe it's time to stop making excuses. Either which way, the thing is, is that you're probably just fine with how you are and you really could stand to work on your relationship with yourself. And so that leads me to my last little thing, which is not my hair all the time in the therapy office.
And it's like, everybody always says, like, I'm so weird or what I do is so wonky or or people don't understand me because I'm so different than them. And what I wanna tell you is people are super weird. We're all really weird. Okay? So you over there who thinks that you are so odd.
There are tons of people who are just like you that think they're really odd too. And the biggest problem that we have is no one's talking about these things. Right? And so what I would say is, like, can you just be your weird self? And I'm gonna just go ahead and be my weird self.
Sometimes I completely lose my train of thought. Sometimes I keep people in my office for far longer than their appointment was scheduled for. Right? And sometimes I feel lonely and disconnected for no apparent reason. And if I can meet up with myself right there, and I can just be like, oh, girl, what is it you need?
I'm right here for you. Right? Sometimes it's like I just need to lay down and just have a little time time out. Sometimes I need to get on my mat and do some stretching. Sometimes I need to get on my cushion and look inwards and do a little bit of meditation.
Right? Sometimes I need to watch a really funny show. We are watching arrested development right now, and it is hysterical. We're watching it for the second time. So if you're over there, doing your weird stuff, and you think you're weird.
I'm just telling you, I am part of your club. I am weird too. And everybody says they're weird. So that is really diminishing to the one people, the the few of us that think we are so weird. Anyways, it was nice spending a few minutes with you today.
I just wanna encourage you to remember that the life that we live inside of us is like this whole fictional adventure sometimes. And I'm just reminding you in this episode that everyone has the same kind of core their core insecurities or their core things that they don't think that anybody else will understand. And If you just kind of shine your light and be yourself, you'll realize, everybody's just like you are. We're all super weird. Okay.
I'll see you next week. Thanks for visiting. Thank you so much for listening today. I love making this podcast and here's what I ask in return. We just forward an episode that you really like on to two or three people, you guys.
Listen. If we all do this, we might actually get a little bit closer to living in a fully functioning society. Go to my website at rebekah hunter m s w dot com to see some of my other projects, including online self help classes where I use therapy and coaching techniques to help people with things like overthinking, and anxiety, stress, overwhelm, burnout. Yeah. Super helpful.
I have a lot of free resources on my website. And something else that I really like to do is I like to work with companies interested in promoting positive mental health for their employees. I love talking to groups of people. I do it for companies, I do it at retreats, I will literally talk to anybody anytime. So get in touch.
And of course, I have my online and in person private practice. I love my work. Thanks for coming along for the ride. Please tip your waitress on the way out the door.
