Stonewalling
Speaker 0: You're listening to Takeout Therapy. I'm your host, Rebecca Hunter. I'm a private practice therapist, an anxiety specialist who's doing things differently. In about twenty minutes, I'm here to teach you how to deal with an everyday difficult element of life in a healthier way. This podcast is unscripted, totally unedited.
Just my straight up advice from years of experience. This is not therapy. It's just personal growth for people in a hurry for change. So let's get to work.
Speaker 1: Hello, my friend. Thank you so much for joining me today. Well, so here is what's going on with me is that my youngest son is leaving home tomorrow. And I'm okay with it. I promise.
I'm doing okay. And that's true. And also, I just have so much. I wanna tell him about life. And I was just thinking, like, I've been reflecting last few days, like, what's important to me?
You know? And what did I learn in my twenties? And so I was just kind of thinking about it and thinking like, wow, this might be really helpful for us all. Myself and you, my friend, just like always. Thanks for being here today as I give a little bit of advice from mom because who better to get advice from than your mother.
Right? But but I will say on my behalf, I'm also at therapist, and I'd see a lot of twenty somethings in my office. And they're in pain, you know, and they're trying to do their best, and they're trying to just thrive in their lives. They wanna have healthy relationships. They wanna have a job that they give a shit about, and I can understand that.
Can't you Right? And so I just see a lot of people really struggling and at the bottom of everything, I kind of have gotten educated about what's important. And so I thought today that I would bring together my mom's side and my therapist side and give us all just like a little bit of advice. My job is really funny. I get to spend a lot of time talking with people.
But I don't give them advice. That is not my job. My job is to help people discover their truth, not mine. My truth is mine. Yours is yours.
So as I give you the advice today, take what you want and leave the rest. This is just like my reflection on this evening of my son leading home. For what feels like a long time. And so, yeah, bear with me as I give you some advice. I guess the first thing I would say is be alone with yourself.
Be willing to just be alone. And See how that feels to you because you're in a relationship with yourself. Whether we like to get that or not, I talk about it a lot. On the podcast. And if we don't wanna be with people that we're in relationship with, we've got a problem.
Wouldn't you say I would I would say? And so be alone with yourself. I'll talk to you more about that in an episode that's coming up later in the month. Like, this is a good way to learn to be alone and how to do that. But enjoy your own company.
When you're not scrolling, when you're not watching, when you're not with friends, when you're just showing out by yourself and saying, what do you want to do today, friend? So be willing to be with yourself. Because frankly, people are herky jerky, and we need to be able to be in relationship with ourselves so that we're not tortured if we have to be alone. And that brings me to another point, which is just try to slow down. You don't have to be the fastest car on the road or the first one in the line.
Just try to, like, pull back just a pinch. And watch what's happening around you. Look at people in their faces. They're suffering. They're excited.
They're in love. There's a lot going on out there in the world. And if we just slowed down a little bit, we can feel it, and we can see it. And there's lessons there for us. Right?
It's like, can you just live in your own mind? Can you be with yourself and just live in your own life? I guess in there, I'll say, it's so important to internally validate this total therapist speak. Right? But what I mean is, like, it's important to say nice things to yourself.
It's important to say, like, you get to feel, how you want to feel, and it's totally appropriate to talk about that. And know that just all on your own so that basically, like, when you get into relationships, you don't have to ask somebody else to, like, help you feel the way you wanna feel. Do you know what I mean? It's like, if you can validate yourself in your own experience, you're good to go, my friend. You'll have healthy relationships, frankly.
And I want that for you. I want it for us all. You know, in terms of jobs and I guess just life in general, I think there's a perfect balance between practical and passionate. And I think, like, I think there's generations that are getting really painted right now. It's like, oh, they just, like, wanna have everything.
They wanna love their jobs, and they don't actually wanna work for it. And I actually think that's bold. But I think, like, it's time to follow what you care about in a pragmatic way. That fits in with how we do life here in wherever you live. Right?
And so there's a room for your passions And frankly, be creative every single day in some way, whether that means you listen to new music, Are you playing instrument? Are you draw? Are you doodle? Are you Dude? I am totally into the beat my numbers.
I'm just saying, Be passionate about what you're up to. It's a way of being in relationship with yourself where you can just learn a little bit more about yourself. But also, like, be practical. Work with your strengths. Okay?
So if you're really artistic and you don't know anything about math or you don't want anything to do with math like don't try to make money as an artist maybe. I guess, unless you're willing to learn, so it's like just listen to yourself. Have interesting, compelling discussions. When you slow down, and you're willing to be alone. And you can validate that, like, whatever the discussion is, it's totally welcome.
And start to learn about what you care about, and you're willing to be practical. Mental health will look really good. And life is gonna feel really good. And I guess a couple more things that I wanna say. It's like, Take care of your body.
It's the only one you've got. If somebody told me and my twenty to take care of my body. I would have been like, what? Because now, we don't. We hate our bodies.
We're at war with them. It's our culture. Make friends with your body, nurture it. Team up with it. As a partner in this life because you're stuck with a friend, it's yours.
One time, I went on the most glorious thing and it was the world naked by pride. It was awesome. I could not believe all the different sizes and shapes and moles and folds and beauty, absolute beauty at every time just like the human body make it on the bike and all of its glory completely shifted my own body image and my wish this this feeling for every person because, like, our bodies are so wacky. They they not everything means something about you. And our body is just part of us.
That we could choose to be in a beautiful relationship with and really want to take care of. And it bonds us to ourselves. And so take care of your body. You know, like, plan what you're gonna eat for the week and drink enough water just be willing to do those things. And maybe, if you're not feeling your best, take some supplementations.
This is like stuff every mom is just dying to say, but just doesn't because you guys can't just keep going around given our kids always bikes. Right? The other thing I would say is, of course, I have more. Just a couple. Spend time every day even if it's just a few moments in self reflection.
Like, how did they go? How am I feeling? What am I working on right now? My personal growth did an opportunity come up for me. What did I do well?
What what do I need to work on? Like, what doesn't feel like it's going well for me? Why is it such a struggle? Self reflect every day. So if that means you get a notebook, it means you record your own voice or whatever whatever.
Right? You think things through. I really think there has to be some tangible something in this self reflection because you can see over time that really I know we all compare ourselves to everybody else which is I will just say, like, don't do that. Don't compare yourself to somebody who doesn't have your history, who doesn't have your mind, who doesn't have your genetic makeup. If you must play the comparison game, compare yourself to yourself.
Not to tell you, you're doing great. You are gonna do great. It's okay to understand that personal growth is part of life. It's not something we do because we think we're bound up. It's not something we do to be perfect or to be more like somebody wants us to be, but it's like It's just being in relationship with ourself.
So that's my advice, my friend. Be in relationship with yourself. Be willing to hang out with you. And be willing to be a little confrontational here and there. Don't worry.
I'm right here with you doing the work. I'll see you soon. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 0: Before you leave today, I just want to ask you for a quick favor. Will you forward this episode along to just one person that you know will benefit from it? Can you imagine if everybody who listened to the podcast did that today? What an impact we would make on the mental health of the people around us? We would be doing important work, my friend.
So if you didn't already know it, high specialized in anxiety. If you have any interest, in cultivating a kind and gentle relationship with yourself or developing mindfulness and mastering the art of brain discipline If you're finally ready to conquer all that worry, fear, and stop the endless overthinking, and actually manage your everyday emotions in a more straightforward and functional way. Come join me. I teach a whole class about this. It's called back to calm, and it's geared towards people that call themselves anxious.
Call themselves stressed out or maybe just overwhelmed. I help people learn to live a calm and peaceful life. In an online learning experience, where you can take things at your own pace. I teach you exactly what to do to dial your mental health to a place that is completely sustainable. So find out more at my website.
It's rebekah hunter m s w dot com. Thanks for listening.
