I'm Rebecca Hunter and this is Take Out Therapy. As a private practice therapist, I've helped a lot of people work through some of the most common everyday issues using new tools and greater insight. If you have any interest in doing some personal growth work, this might be the perfect place for you.
In the next 20 minutes, I'll walk you through a commonly explored topic in therapy and provide you with actual tools to deal with it. It's that simple. Obviously, this is not a substitute for therapy, but I think it could be helpful.
Thanks for being here. Hello, my friends. Thanks so much for joining me today.
I was thinking about something because this week has been, well, it's been a little topsy turvy, a lot of kind of unanticipated change based, of course, on the pandemic. Thank you, COVID, again. Anywho, things have not gone to my expectations.
And I was thinking a little bit deeper about kind of like what was really happening for me in feeling like rolling with change was continuing to be such a struggle. I did an episode on it a few weeks ago, and hopefully that was helpful to you. It was helpful to me as well.
Perhaps I should go back and listen to my own episode. Curious. Anyway, here's what I was thinking about my troubles this week, mine and yours both.
I've been hearing this, you know, never forget that I'm in the therapy office most of the week. And what I talk about here is what comes up as a theme. And it is, I've said this time and time again, it's so weird being a therapist.
Themes come into the office. We're having a collective experience, my friends. We're all living these kind of parallel lives, whether we want to think about our own unique life or not.
And you know, things can feel really hard in that. And so I just like to come to you with what's happening. And the theme this week is like, it would be really helpful in times of trouble if we could all remember one thing.
And that is that everything is temporary. And I'll tell you, we'll dig into this today, and I'll tell you a little bit more about what I'm saying here, but it's very helpful for our mental health, for our emotional wellbeing, for our health, for our belief system. I want to say like our, we talk about schema a lot.
This idea of I am this or I am that, the schemas that we have. If we were to think of those in a different way, using this lens of everything is temporary, that could be really helpful. And it tends to be really helpful to my clients when we really dig into it.
And this is something that I teach mindfulness, both in my online courses and in my therapy practice. And it's something that mindfulness kind of pokes around at. And it's like mindfulness, if mindful is just being where we are right now, and it's sort of like sitting and having a focal point and working within that silent realm, holy moly, it's very hard to stay with one thing.
The brain starts jumping and jiving and going here and going there. And it's really hard at times because things are so temporary. But like when we're out here in our real life, and the shit's hitting the fan, are we like, oh, don't worry, everything's temporary.
No. We're like nothing ever works out. Right? And we get very stuck in these feeling states.
You know, I just working with people who have some depression, depression feels so heavy and it feels so permanent sometimes. I mean, like, have you ever just been in just a, I, it doesn't even have to be depression that we're talking about. But like, have you ever just been in a funk one day, and you literally, like, just fed off of yourself all day long, and things feel so hard, and they feel so heavy.
And frankly, they feel like it's always like this, right, our brain remembers these negative emotional states. And it, it tells us that this is how life is. I mean, it's just brain functionality, basically.
But that keeps us stuck, you guys. So you know, this idea about permanence, and like, what is temporary, what is permanent, and challenging this idea that we're always going to feel this way. Or really just not having an awareness that everything is temporary, that will keep us stuck.
Changing our perspective will create some shifts, for sure, right? And so everything is temporary. Everything is temporary. These feelings that I'm having, check in with me in an hour.
Everything is temporary, right? These thoughts that I'm stuck in, where will they be in a week? I won't even remember them, you know? Everything is temporary. So if we kind of operate from this mindset, wouldn't that then help us to handle difficulty? Because when things are really hard, we don't remember that it's temporary. This is something that I'm going through right now, right? This difficulty, this fight with John, or this struggle with one of the kids, or this problem in my business that I just can't figure out, and there are those.
Those things are just happening now. They're just like, they're happening right now. And us sort of future tripping and our brain kind of getting in this loop of like being stuck there is not helpful at all.
So here's what we can do, okay? So if you're in difficulty and you'd like to play around with the idea of permanence, of like what's temporary and what's going to last, the first thing you have to do is just be in what you are in, which requires willingness, which is like a whole other episode that is on my list. I want to talk about willingness, because we're not very willing, are we, to just be in what we're in. If something's hard, just kind of acknowledge that it's really hard.
Like, you know, a simple inquiry would be like, how do I feel about what's going on right now? Right? What are some of my feelings? What are some of my thoughts? How am I behaving? This is like basic CBT, by the way, but super helpful and effective. Be in what you are in. Just meet yourself there.
And like, if you're nice, if you could be nice, that'd be super helpful. Don't rag on yourself when you're having difficulty. I do not recommend that.
It is not a healing strategy. Okay? And then having a mantra that you use in difficult times in which you're feeling really stuck is very helpful. This is also basic CBT.
It's called reframing. A mantra is just a little phrase that you repeat to yourself to tell your brain like, hey, what's up? Well, this is what's up. Everything is temporary.
This belongs here right now. It won't be like this forever. I know a lot of people are going through some really tough times right now.
And I know it feels bad. It feels really bad. Doesn't it? Ugh.
Yes, it does. And things are falling away. Our structure, frankly, in this pandemic has been falling away from us.
We rely on these structures, right? Yes, we would all love all the kids in the country to get to go to school. We would love that. It's possible in some places and not happening in others and blah, blah, blah.
And a lot of people are out of work. Businesses are really struggling. Small businesses, not the big ones, right? Welcome to America.
You know, if we really look at a situation like this and we don't remember the temporary nature of everything, we are screwed. Do you know what I mean? Thank God the situation is temporary, but some of the impact of it is not temporary. And so being able to kind of be in what you're in, but also to reframe it up a little bit to remember the temporary nature of things.
And maybe that's the mantra. Remember the temporary nature of things. Or I have gotten through difficult times before.
Or this situation is temporary, right? So be in what you're in in a willing way. Create a reframing statement, which is just a little mantra that you just say to yourself when you're in this difficulty and you feel really stuck. That will, in fact, open up your neural pathways.
It'll open up your brain a little bit to actually help you to vision something better. So our brain is really weird. It's a super interesting and intricate organ.
And one of the things that it's pretty good at is future tripping. Yeah. So it likes to know what's going to happen in the future.
So sometimes that means it makes stuff up and sometimes it means you are the input for the future. So if you're stuck and you're reframing and you understand that everything is temporary in difficult times, then is there something that you can see in your mind's eye as a place to move towards that might help just creating a vision of something better? It's interesting because a lot of people that I have talked to who unfortunately have lost their jobs in this pandemic, they hated their jobs. And they're in my office like, I got to do something different.
What am I going to do? Right. They're looking kind of to meet up with their own purpose, not somebody else's, I think. And so we do that work.
Right. And one of the things that we do is like visioning. We create a mental vision of how the future could look.
So this is definitely something that I recommend when things feel really stuck and really permanent and like things are going to be like this forever. Widen that lens, friend. Right.
Be willing to be in what you're in. This is your life. And the other thing is like you're incredibly resilient and you're incredibly strong and you've gotten through a lot already.
I know you have. So have I. So vision something better. Create some supportive statements to help yourself get there.
I'll be right here with you doing the work. Thanks for showing up. Before you go, let me ask you a question.
Do you think about things way more than you think you should? Do you go over and over situations or conversations or conflicts in your mind to the point where it basically drives you bananas? Overthinking is a major complaint of people entering my therapy practice and my private group actually. And it's not that complicated to get a handle on. It's just like any other personal growth topic, guys.
You got to just be willing to dig into it a little bit. When people don't get a handle on the overthinking habit, they tend to end up with an anxiety problem. So I created a super affordable online class that will teach you about how to get rid of all that thinking.
It's $37 you guys. And you know me, there will be homework. It's way worth the investment.
It's just a complaint I hear a lot that has a relatively simple path to solution. So I wanted to just share it in a simple method. It's on my website at RebeccaHunterMSW.com. It's called the Overthinking Solution because you guys, some problems can actually be solved.
I hope you found today's show helpful. It would mean a lot to me if you'd rate, review, or subscribe so that we can reach more people with this type of information. Here's the deal.
I'd like to get rid of some of the stigma around mental health and this is how I'm doing it. We just need to have these conversations. If you really want to dig in, join me on social media or join my private Facebook group for more tools, support, and possibilities for change.
Head to the link in the show notes at RebeccaHunterMSW.com. Way to show up today!
