I'm Rebecca Hunter and this is Take Out Therapy. As a private practice therapist, I've helped a lot of people work through some of the most common everyday issues using new tools and greater insight. If you have any interest in doing some personal growth work, this might be the perfect place for you.
In the next 20 minutes, I'll walk you through a commonly explored topic in therapy and provide you with actual tools to deal with it. It's that simple. Obviously, this is not a substitute for therapy, but I think it could be helpful.
Thanks for being here. Hello, my friends. Thank you so much for joining me today.
Oh man, we're still in it, aren't we? Have you had a lot of change in your life lately? As a therapist, of course, I'm hearing about the in-depth, very personal, and very unique results of this pandemic over time on people's life. The impact is what I mean, and there's so much impact of all of this change. One of the things that I've noticed is that we get really stuck, myself included, with change.
Today, I thought maybe it would be helpful to talk about how to roll with change. I got to tell you, I, myself, as a human being in the middle of a pandemic, I'm kind of losing my shit a little bit sometimes. I'm not flexible, usually, in life.
I'm kind of like, bah, easy come, easy go. That was supposed to be this way, and now it's going to be this way, and I'm rolling with it. Man, I've almost lost my ability to roll with change.
I'm here doing this podcast, and part of it is about me. What I am currently dealing with and struggling with. The brain, let's go neuroscience for a second.
The brain is not down with so much change. If you are in a place in your life where it is constantly changing, or you're dealing with a big change, or you're thinking about change, oh honey, your brain's not going to like that, because our brains don't like change. The reason for that is because if everything just kind of stays the same, then the brain has done its job and kept us safe and alive, right? But when things start happening that we don't know were going to happen, or weren't planning to have happen, the brain does not like that, and it thinks that life is unsafe.
And so, so many of us are in this kind of collective trauma state where we feel really amped up, frankly, and then when things change, ugh, it's like a hand grenade. So part of it is brain behavior, right? And then part of it is like our thoughts and our feelings about stuff feel true, right? And they feel permanent. I've talked to so many people over the years who are like, I feel like I'm always going to feel like this, right? Or I've always felt like this.
And really, if you dial it back a little bit, we can look at every single day and think to ourselves like, okay, well, how many thoughts and feelings did I have today? Oh man, already today? So many thoughts and feelings, right? And they all feel permanent because we're not aware all the time of their fleeting nature. When things feel permanent, we tend to kind of get comfortable or get stuck, right? And situations that are happening that are difficult tend to feel really everlasting. Whereas like good stuff, gosh, doesn't it go by so fast sometimes? So we want and we crave stability and then things change and then our brain thinks we're unsafe and then we're all jacked up.
So let's get unjacked, my friend. I think all mental health change or all emotional, the emotional health journey involves learning. And so I think it's important to just remember that our brain is an organ of our body that keeps us safe and it's very elementary in the way that it works around change.
So change is never easy. I mean, it always feels difficult. Doesn't it feel even difficult when we make a choice about change? It's so interesting how the brain sticks to what it knows.
It doesn't want to go for an adventure, my friend. It wants to stay home and do nothing. So even when we choose positive change, it's so difficult.
Ever moved, right? I mean, that oftentimes is a choice that we make. And it's exciting and it's fun. And we like, you know, and then it's like the brain just kind of gets super tweaked out and, you know, it feels like we're super stressed and it's very overwhelming and blah, blah, blah, the whole nine, right? So how can we roll with change? How can we basically come from a neuroscience lens to be able to roll with change without losing it? We need to work with our brain, you guys.
So here's the deal is that your brain responds well to repetitive messaging. Okay, that's how you got here, by the way. That's how you got into this pickle and me too.
The brain, it's very helpful to create phrases, to jot down phrases, to sort of approach the brain through conversation, both out loud and internal. There's all different ways to kind of communicate a message to the brain. And the message that I think is really important when you're getting ready to go through change, or if you're in this, you know, world calamity, we're all just going through change on a regular basis without our approval, frankly.
We have to access the part of our brain that is rational. And knows that nothing is permanent. Yeah, I'm talking about impermanence, right? Like try to stick with one emotion all day long.
Try to think about the same thing, right? For, you know, a very, an extended time. I guarantee you, you'll get distracted, you'll get bored and you'll move on. The feelings will dissipate.
The thoughts will change. Look around you. Nothing's really permanent, you know? I mean, maybe that lamp's only been there a week or maybe those dishes are going in the dishwasher soon.
Like there's so much movement here. And I think when things are changing a lot, we need to remember that it's just movement. It's just the flow of life, right? If you close your eyes for a moment and just listen, you can't predict what sounds are going to come in and they come and they go, right? So it's just a little way of thinking about change in this way of like, hey man, change is just part of this thing.
It's a huge part of this thing, right? I mean, a good example is like the forest floor, right? It's constantly growing and changing and dying and all of it. I mean, if you just go outside and look around, we just see impermanence. And I think when there's a lot of change going on, it's really helpful to create a little bit of a statement for your brain about the fact that change is just part of life and we can handle it.
And that's kind of my statement, to be honest. I mean, what I try to tell myself are compassionate statements. Like, I know this is really hard, but change is just part of life and it's okay, right? So everybody can create like their own personal statements about change and how to remind your brain about the impermanence.
You know, the other thing with change that I think it's really important to talk about is willingness. And if you have been listening to my podcast for a while, you might know that I'm not a huge fan of change, but I'm willing. I always talk about, I'm willing.
I'm willing to push the envelope of what I'm comfortable with. I'm willing to push the envelope of what my brain is comfortable with. And frankly, I've had to do that as somebody who suffered with anxiety for years, I had to have a willingness to get healed, to get uncomfortable, to deal with that change.
And it's super interesting because there's just a little aside and, you know, it's interesting being a therapist because people start to identify themselves as whatever they feel that their dysfunction is. So it's like, I am anxious, right? And so in order to roll with change and heal from something like anxiety, people actually have to be willing to re-identify themselves, which is a big deal, right? I mean, our identity is something that's hung around with us for a really long time, you know? So it's just a little example of how willingness in any situation, but particularly with change is a very important thing to remember. So that would require, I don't know, some like curiosity, right? Of like, well, okay, if we're going to have to make changes, like what are all the things we might be able to do, right? And also an openness.
You know, when we're curious, it's a question mark. And when we're open, any answer fits. It's kind of like when we learn to do brainstorming.
Remember learning to do brainstorming? All the dumb ideas get put on the board. All the good ones, all the okay ones, things that aren't even possible and aren't going to work get put on the board when we brainstorm. And that's kind of what curiosity and openness look like.
And so when we're dealing with change, we can access that part of ourselves, that curious part, that part that's like, okay, what could we do here? What are our options? What are some crazy options that will never work, right? Can we just be playful and open to whatever happens next and exhibit a little curiosity and frankly, willingness, right? While realizing that change is part of the deal, guys. Nothing is permanent. I wish I could tell you otherwise.
It's sort of like reassuring and completely like disheartening, isn't it? Anyways, I just wanted to talk about this. You know, this pandemic has been, well, it's just really complicated. And it's super interesting, like having been a therapist during this time because, well, my private practice is very busy right now.
And I'm talking about this pandemic all the time. But also, just like behind the scenes, I'm actually going through it too. And as you know, I've got a kid who just graduated from high school and is heading off to school in the fall.
No, not doing that. Yeah, change, right? And so in lieu of completely losing my mind, it's helpful for me to remember that this isn't life according to Rebecca's plan. Change happens.
Things work out differently than we thought they would. And if I can just stay willing and open and curious, right? I can let my son, first of all, I can like not micromanage the process because if I'm not willing, I tend to rescue because I lose my sanity, frankly. So if I can just step back, be open to the fact that this is a big change and like, it's okay, right? And then let him kind of figure out how he wants to do it.
How he wants to do college and how he wants to do the next year of his life. And, you know, just remain open. Just remain open.
Change. Oh my gosh, you guys. It is so hard.
But I will be here with you doing the work. Thanks for listening. Before you go, let me ask you a question.
Do you think about things way more than you think you should? Do you go over and over situations or conversations or conflicts in your mind to the point where it basically drives you bananas? Overthinking is a major complaint of people entering my therapy practice and my private group, actually. And it's not that complicated to get a handle on. It's just like any other personal growth topic, guys.
You got to just be willing to dig into it a little bit. When people don't get a handle on the overthinking habit, they tend to end up with an anxiety problem. So I created a super affordable online class that will teach you about how to get rid of all that thinking.
It's $37, you guys. And you know me. There will be homework.
It's way worth the investment. It's just a complaint I hear a lot that has a relatively simple path to solution. So I wanted to just share it in a simple method.
It's on my website at rebeccahuntermsw.com. It's called The Overthinking Solution because, you guys, some problems can actually be solved. I hope you found today's show helpful. It would mean a lot to me if you'd rate, review, or subscribe so that we can reach more people with this type of information.
Here's the deal. I'd like to get rid of some of the stigma around mental health. And this is how I'm doing it.
We just need to have these conversations. If you really want to dig in, join me on social media or join my private Facebook group for more tools, support, and possibilities for change. Head to the link in the show notes at rebeccahuntermsw.com. Way to show up today.
