I'm Rebecca Hunter, and this is Take Out Therapy. As a private practice therapist, I've helped a lot of people work through some of the most common everyday issues using new tools and greater insight. If you have any interest in doing some personal growth work, this might be the perfect place for you.
In the next 20 minutes, I'll walk you through a commonly explored topic in therapy and provide you with actual tools to deal with it. It's that simple. Obviously, this is not a substitute for therapy, but I think it could be helpful.
Thanks for being here. Hello, my friends. Thanks so much for joining me today.
As I record today's episode, I have just returned from a fabulous vacation. We went out to the woods. You know what it is about the woods that I love? There's no machines out there.
There are no rings. There are no dings. I do not need to check anything or check in with anyone.
It's life. It's just very simple. I got up in the morning.
I hauled myself out of my tent. I made my lovely jet-boiled coffee, and I sat my butt down in my backpacking chair and looked at the most beautiful mountain range and lake. I would just sit there for hours and just be in that.
It's so hard to do that now that we're back at home, because when we're back at home, we're back in the machine situation. We're back in the cell phone habit, frankly. That's what I want to talk with you about today, the cell phone habit.
Dude, these machines have us roped in, don't they? It was crazy. We went out to nature for six days, and as soon as John and I could, we of course turned on our cell phones, because we want to hear from our bullies, and we don't want to know what's going on in the world, frankly. We're over it.
Aren't you? But we want to get connected, right? We think that that's connection, and as I was kind of regrouping and thinking about what I wanted to talk about this week, that came very clear to me that like, wow, this cell phone habit is super interesting, and so let's talk about kind of what the deal is with the cell phone habit and how we can kind of maneuver ourselves out of it a little bit, because frankly, there's a couple things that I want to say about it. One thing is that this cell phone habit that we have, where we use our cell phone all the time, it makes us too connected. Do we have too much information or what, right? Too much information is not always helpful.
Is it helpful to you to know all the terrible things that are happening all around the world? Is that helpful to you? I mean, I don't think we should sit in our corner and be clueless. I don't think that we should be unaware of what's going on. I also think we have access to way too much information, and frankly, it's upsetting, and that's the information that makes the news.
It's the information that makes the media, the upsetting stuff. Like, good news story is not exactly front page news, right? And the other thing is like, with all that connection, it's hard to tell the difference between what's real life and what's like, fake life. Do you know what I mean? And so with that comes also disconnection, right, of not being able to really see how we're doing when we're engaged in a cell phone habit.
That can really leave us disconnected. Have you ever sat in a room with someone who's on their cell phone, and you wanted to interact with them, but they were scrolling, and they didn't even know you were in the room? It's one of the loneliest feelings in the world, isn't it? It's so disconnecting. So many times when I have people in my therapy office, they're talking about their partner's use of their cell phone and how disconnecting it is.
It's like I can't get at this person. I can't connect with them. I can't talk with them.
I can't grow with them. I can't process life with them because they're scrolling, right? Or maybe we're the scroller. And that's something to really take a look at, right? And the other thing that I just want to mention about cell phone use is it's showing up in all these really interesting health issues for people.
Like, have you heard of TechNek? I haven't. It is very unpleasant. So it's basically like us using this machine.
It totally affects our body. It affects our posture. There's research out, and it's definitely controversial, but there is a little bit of research out about the cell phone use and people keeping their cell phones on them and the problem with the radiation, blah, blah, blah.
I'm not going to get into it. Do your own research, but know what it is you are dealing with. We're finding not a ton of like, oh, cell phones are great for people.
They're really enriching. We're not looking at that kind of data, right? Bad news is all the news there is. Cell phones are, they're disconnecting, and they cause us a lot of problems, both relational problems and body problems and personal problems.
You know, the thing about cell phones is that they were designed to keep us hooked, right? Like, there's something to the idea that there's kind of a reward system on this machine that captures the human brain's attention, and so let me just be real clear here that cell phones are changing the way our brains work, okay? So, all those rings and dings and notification things, those are meant to promote addictive behavior, just so you know. You're like a dog on a reward system, my friend. You just don't know it, right? So, don't ignore the fact that all the apps and all the things on our cell phones, they are designed to get us to push the button.
They're also creating something we're calling frequent focused attention, which is basically changing our brain's ability to pay attention to things for a longer amount of time. A lot of cell phone use, habitual cell phone use, causes us to get really engaged with things for a very short amount of time, meaning that when you sit down to do a longer project, your brain's kind of like, no, we don't really do this. We just do the short bursts of attention.
So, it's actually changing the way our brain is able to focus on information. So, that's a big deal. So, if you find that you're kind of unfocused and scattered, you might want to take a look at your cell phone use.
Here are some ways that we can begin to deal with a cell phone habit, okay? First of all, recovery begins in acknowledgment. Say it with me. Recovery from any behavioral habit begins in acknowledgment.
Meaning, we need to say it out loud. I've got a problem with my cell phone use. I'm using it way too much.
I took a little quiz online. I'll just be open with you, as I always am. I took the smartphone compulsion test that was designed by a psychiatrist.
And yeah, so I scored an 11 out of 15. I like to think of myself as somebody who's highly aware of what I'm doing in my life and the impact that that has, right? I couldn't believe it. Some of the, I recommend this test, and I'll put the link in the show notes.
But it's things like, do you seem to lose track of time when you're on your cell phone? Yeah, it's like a freaking time warp. How is it for you? Another question is, do you find yourself mindlessly passing time on a regular basis by staring at yourself? Yeah, yeah, I pretty much do. Do you find yourself spending more time on your smartphone than you realize? So there's all kinds of apps, right, that can track our cell phone use, can track the number of times we open it.
They're all built into the thing. We just don't like to use those apps. Those are no fun at all.
And another question is like, do you wish you could be a little less involved with your cell? Yeah, I really do. Especially coming out of the woods, you know, six days in nature, six days in my life, in my relationship, in the world that I belong to. And then I come out, and the first thing I want is to grab this machine.
It kind of makes you scratch your head. So my recovery from this habit begins in acknowledgement. I've got a problem with my cell phone use.
How are you doing? May I help you come up with some ideas? So the first, you know, after we acknowledge, also, I just want to say, if you're going to make changes in the way that you communicate via cell phone, give the people in your life a heads up, right? I talk with a lot of people in my private practice about cell phone use. And one of the things is like, well, people really expect me to respond pretty quickly, right? And I feel bad if I get a text, and then I'm like, I'm going to respond to that later, or I'm going to sit on it. Here's the deal.
Just tell people that's what you're doing. Just say, hey, I've got an issue. I'm overusing my cell phone.
I'm not going to be using it as much. Like, just give the people in your life a little heads up that your communication style might be changing, okay? That will help you, A, take accountability, and B, begin a recovery process in acknowledgement. The other thing is, and I say this about every change process, we need to observe before we make changes.
And that observation has to be sort of a curious, nonjudgmental observation of what is happening without judgment. Judgment doesn't help here. It never helps, actually.
So observe. Observe your cell phone use. Use some of those tracking apps to figure out, like, well, how many times am I picking this thing up a day? How often am I using it? How attached am I to it? What is it like if I leave the house without it, right? That was another one of the questions on the compulsion test.
It was sort of like, do you feel ill at ease or uncomfortable when you accidentally leave your smartphone in the car or at home? I'm like, uh, yeah. I really feel incredibly ill at ease. So just be able to be in your life and just observe your relationship with your cell phone without judgment.
You got here organically, and you can get out of this situation if you have a cell phone habit. You can get out of it really nonjudgmentally if you decide to do that. Let me give you a few little detox ideas for beginners.
The one thing that across the board we always recommend, and I think in the professional, medical, and therapist community we're starting to really recommend is, like, get that thing out of your bedroom. Get the cell phone out of your bedroom. The last thing, you know, you see at night should not be your cell phone, right? And the first thing you see in the morning should not be your cell phone because that's not your life.
That's a machine that connects you to the outside world. The best thing to do is just get it out of the bedroom and come up with some different routines. You know, a lot of people come see me and they can't sleep, and that is like the first thing.
I'm like, get that thing out of your room. Create a bedtime routine, right? But the cell phone in the bedroom is a big and easy, I think, thing to make a tiny little change, right? To just see how that feels, okay? And then the other thing that I always recommend when people are in the beginning stages of separating out from their cell phone is, like, just leave the phone in one place. Just this is where I put my cell phone all the time.
When I want to use it, I go to it at that time, right? And that means, like, a lot of us use our cell phones for our business. Like, I definitely am doing a lot of, I do online therapy, but I also do, like, some just straight up phone therapy. I talk with people a lot on the phone.
So, of course, like, that's not going to work for that. But when I'm not actively using the machine, I will be putting it somewhere that's really inconvenient for me to get to. So that when I want to use it, I can just walk over there and use it.
And by the way, I'm not going to put it by an easy chair, because I will just sit my butt down and scroll, okay? And so I'm going to put it somewhere where I have to use it standing up, and it's more of, like, a limited access kind of thing. It's a nice strategy to just do that and then observe what your brain does, because it's not going to like it, you know? Let me be real clear. Tiny changes produce huge results.
We already know this through research. We cannot change our brain's need or desire or want of something. It doesn't always work to do it quickly and forcefully.
What tends to work better with the brain is the same thing that works with toddlers. So we're going to be leading in five minutes, so finish playing up, right? We have to very gently coax the brain as if it were a small child so as not to shock it, because it will rebel. So if you're just like, I'm not going to use my cell phone for anything other than phone calls, like, your mind will give you a problem there.
And then you're creating more of a churn, whereas if you take, like, the small change approach, you'll have more success in changing your cell phone habit. You know, a lot of people find a detox is really, really helpful, meaning take the apps off your phone that take up the most of your time. And again, in your observation stage, you're going to figure out real fast where you spend your time on your cell phone and be able to really get at this.
But a lot of people will take off their social media apps, for example, or their shopping apps. Amazon, so easy, so lovely, right? Take some of those things off of there so that you actually cannot use your cell phone for those purposes. And maybe that means you're on social media less.
What could be bad about that, right? Or maybe it means that you go to your computer to do your shopping or research or reading, right? It's a way to kind of, like, get a little bit of distance from your cell phone, but it's also a technique where we can observe, like, what happens when I do this? Or what happens when I do this? Here's what happens to me. I erase all the social media apps off my phone, and I'm joyously happy for, like, a week, two. And then I'm like, oh, this is so much better.
And then I just, like, put them back on there. And then before I know it, I'm right back where I started. So keep in mind that the brain is a very patterned machine, and it likes to do the same thing over and over again.
And it will do it without your knowledge. And then the last thing I recommend is if you're thinking that you have a little cell phone habit that you'd like to take a look at and get some change going on, what I would say, in addition to getting it out of your bedroom and leaving it in one place and erasing some apps, is, like, don't touch that thing first thing in the morning. Don't get up and go to your cell phone.
Like, get an alarm clock, friend. Don't touch it the last thing at night, and don't touch it in the morning. Basically, the idea behind that is, like, be in your life and then invite the cell phone in when you choose.
It doesn't get to run your life. It's just a machine. It's a connection to the outside world and the people that you love and you care about.
But also, it's just a machine. And so we really encourage people not to use their cell phones before they kind of get up, get moving, and get into their own lives. So maybe decide in advance, like, what time is appropriate to begin cell phone use? Is it 8 a.m. after you've had your coffee and you've, you know, done your morning routine or whatever? Or is it, like, 10, right? Do you have, like, a whole morning there where you just don't have contact and you're in your own life? That would be lovely.
Will you let me know how this goes? Again, I just want to reiterate that tiny changes produce huge results. So if you see that you have a cell phone habit and you've made the decision to change it, like I have, make tiny changes and sit on them for a few days to see how they feel, how things are looking, be an observation of how your brain is reacting to the change, and then add, and then make more changes. So teeny tiny changes, give it a little bit of time in between these things, and then move on to the next step that you feel like will be really productive in dealing with a cell phone habit.
So hopefully this episode's been helpful. I'm going to be working over here always. I'm doing the work with you.
I will be working over here to get a handle on my own relationship with my cell phone. You know, it's interesting having just been on vacation and taking a big separation from it, like I feel so much less attached to it. So I'll just give a plug for like a detox, man.
Like take a couple days away from that thing if you possibly can. It's super, super helpful. It gives us practice and just like being in our lives and showing up and not needing this machine all the time.
We don't need this machine. We live for a really long time without it. Remember all the people that came before you? We can do this.
The cell phone's a great tool, you know, and so many of us use it for both personal and business reasons. But also so many of us use it for time-wasting churn. And that's really what I'm going to be focused on is like, can I use this thing as a tool and get rid of the rest of the use of it? Pick up the phone, call your friends.
They're there. They'd probably rather talk to you than text anyway. So I'll be here with you doing the work.
Let me know how it goes. I hope this was helpful. I hope you found today's show helpful.
It would mean a lot to me if you'd rate, review, or subscribe so that we can reach more people with this type of information. Here's the deal. I'd like to get rid of some of the stigma around mental health, and this is how I'm doing it.
We just need to have these conversations. If you really want to dig in, join me on social media or join my private Facebook group for more tools, support, and possibilities for change. Head to the link in the show notes at rebeccahuntermsw.com. Way to show up today.
