I'm Rebecca Hunter, and this is Take Out Therapy. As a private practice therapist, I've helped a lot of people work through some of the most common everyday issues using new tools and greater insight. If you have any interest in doing some personal growth work, this might be the perfect place for you.
In the next 20 minutes, I'll walk you through a commonly explored topic in therapy and provide you with actual tools to deal with it. It's that simple. Obviously, this is not a substitute for therapy, but I think it could be helpful.
Thanks for being here. Hello, my friends. Today's episode's going to be a little shorter than normal and a little more purposeful and to the point.
Here's what I want to say. You got this. I know things are really hard right now.
This pandemic has been going on specifically in this country for a few months, and we're not done. We're, you know, God knows what's going to happen in the fall. We don't know.
But what I want to tell you is that you can get through this, however that looks, however that feels, all this change and all this unknown and all this worry. I'm just telling you, today is a little pep talk for you. You can get through this, and I can, too, frankly.
I'm sick to death of this situation, and yet here it is still in my front yard, right? It's like somebody dropped off a used toilet and stuck it in my front yard, and I'm like, oh, every day I wake up and I think, oh, I hope that toilet's gone today. And every day I look out the window and I'm like, oh, man, there it is. What are we going to do about it? Right? So I'm going to give you a little pep talk.
I'm frankly going to give myself a little pep talk because I need it. This pandemic has thrown our lives into a tailspin, and we don't know what's going to happen next. So let me talk to you quickly about that from a brain standpoint, and I'll just be very simple and say, brain don't like it, guys.
Brain don't like this situation. Your brain is set up to keep you safe and keep you alive. Change, the great unknown? Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Brain doesn't like it. Okay? So a lot of how you're feeling is because your brain is responding to what feels like a pretty unsafe situation.
Now, remember, the brain doesn't care about whether it's like physical safety or emotional safety. It can't really tell the difference. All it knows is shit's not right, right? And so that's all you need to know is that, yeah, this is really hard because your brain makes it harder.
Your brain is very resistant to change, to uncertainty. So that's a lot of what you're feeling, and I'm feeling it too. My brain's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We had all this stuff all worked out. We had a good little routine. We had a nice little pattern, right? Brain loves routine.
Brain loves pattern. All that's really safe. It always knows what's going to happen next.
And now it's like we have a pandemic. We're dealing with a crazy media system. Don't get me started.
That could be a whole other episode. But we're growing weary, right? Emotionally and physically weary. So here's the deal, is that I understand that you don't know what's going to happen.
I don't know what's going to happen or how long this thing's going to go for, but here's the thing is like it's not going back to normal. There is no normal anymore. We have to create a new normal.
So in creating a new normal, we have to go against our brain's instinct to keep everything the same, which is frankly emotionally exhausting because everything's not the same. And hey, parents of young kids, I see you. This is ridiculous, right? And I'm getting a lot of phone calls from parents like my kid is not doing well.
Well, yeah, none of us are doing well. And kids, when they're not doing well, we see all kinds of wacky behavior that's very concerning, right? Because their little brains work just like our brains do and they really need structure. And we don't have any structure, you guys.
Structure, oh, that went out the window in March, right? And so you're responsible now for doing so much more parenting. And if you're not a parent, right, there's all this other unknown. So here are some things that might be able to help you kind of start to feel better and change your outlook.
One thing is, is like, take a little break from the pandemic, meaning, you know, this situation doesn't rely on your knowledge of it. You're tracking the numbers and you're watching the news and you're wondering about whether school's going to open or not. And I'm just going to or your job, right? Oh, right.
That, you know, our unemployment rate is ridiculous right now. And I see you, too. You know, and so we don't know what's going to happen, but monitoring it isn't that helpful.
Can you take a break from that? Would that maybe be helpful to you? I just got back from the woods. I was there for four days and I didn't have any signal and it was super uncomfortable at first. And then I was kind of like, sweet.
I don't have any signal. I don't I can't track the numbers in my community. I can't kind of keep my tabs on what's happening in my city.
Right. Because there's a lot of things happening in my city. I live right outside of Portland.
Me not being able to monitor those things. Here's what I know. It didn't change the situation because I came back and guess what? Everything's exactly the same as it was when I left.
But taking a break really helped me. It helped my brain. Right.
It helped my brain to be like, oh, OK, like we're doing this now and it's like pretty. It's OK. And so what I would say is like maybe take a little break that might help you.
And after that, maybe monitor your newsfeed. Like how much do you actually need to know to live your life? Do you need to know every little thing or do you just need to know kind of the big things? And can you check in every few days or can you check in once a day? So monitor your use of media, social media, monitor your newsfeed. What are you listening to and watching? Do a little research on whether your news that you're watching and listening to is super biased because a lot of news right now is not unbiased.
The news is not unbiased anymore. Boy, that changed. I guess it's always been that way.
But holy moly, it's really obvious now, isn't it? The other thing I want to tell you guys is like I know it's really hard and I don't know, you know, there's so many different outlooks. There's so many different ways that people are experiencing this pandemic. But here here's something really important to understand is that like, yeah, this is really hard and you can do hard things.
OK, you don't have to get stuck in the muck. You know, life is very up and down. And in those down times, well, frankly, in those down times is when people seek help.
Thank goodness. Right. Those down times lead to change.
They lead to improvement. They lead to more insight and more personal growth. So like, yeah, this is really hard.
And also we're going to come out of this different each of us in a very personal, deep way. So just remember that you've already been through some hard stuff. We all have.
And you can get through this, too. What's not helpful is to worry into future trip. You're just messing with your brain doing that.
You're just helping it be hypervigilant and more like kind of worried than you need to be. And so if that's you, maybe disconnect from that. Right.
When you when you notice that you're worrying, you don't need to worry. That's not helpful. It's not affecting any change.
All it's doing is further alerting your brain to the fact that everything's a mess. So try to come out of that. Try to come into your life like what is actually happening.
Be present there. Right. And you'll start to notice kind of the areas that need some change or need some growth.
And you can start to pick away at those things. Right. If your kids are really dysregulated, you know, I'm hearing that a lot from people like kids can't go to sleep at night and kids are tantruming and acting kind of wacky these days.
Yeah, they are. Because we basically pulled all the structure that was built into their lives out from under them, just like our structure was pulled out from under us. But we're grownups.
Kids act wacky when they lose their structure, when there's change, when there's anxiety or worry. So just know that that's part of it and just be connected and present with them. That's what they need.
They just need connection and presence. And so do you, my friend. So if kids aren't part of your equation and you need connection and presence, it's your responsibility to provide that for yourself.
Are you taking good care of yourself? Are you saying nice things to you? Right. Because you need to pep talk yourself through this thing. You got this.
So come on into your life. Come on out of the media frenzy. Come on into your life and see what's what.
I hear from a lot of people like I lost my job, but I hated that job. And now I want to figure out what I'm going to do next. Oh, my gosh.
What an amazing opportunity. That's like the beginning of the opportunity. It kind of looks like a disaster.
But what's on the other side is something new and different. So what is it? What's here for you? What are the problems? You know, I was kind of laughing, not laughing with a friend the other day and saying whatever problems existed before are completely magnified during this pandemic. Like if there were relationship problems, oh, honey, we're seeing them.
We're seeing them 10 times more than we were before. Right there in our faces. We cannot get away from them.
So what's here for you? What can you do to elicit some change? Do you need to do some personal growth work? Right. Do you need to ask for things to be different in your life? Do you need to start looking at what you want to do next that's different than what you were doing before? Because here's the thing, what you can bring to the world is incredibly valuable. You're really capable.
Again, we've all been through hard things. Growing up is really hard. Right.
And we're really capable of growing up and growing, frankly. And you're really capable of growing and of learning and of taking on problems as though you got this because you do. What other choice do we have but to be insightful and be aware and be present and do the next helpful thing? So here's the deal.
Just keep things simple. OK, move out of kind of needing to know what's what might or might not happen next and come on into your life for a few days and see how that feels. It might feel really different.
Right. If you just kind of understand that it doesn't matter if you track what's going on every single day of your life, it doesn't impact your worthiness, my friend, to disappear for a couple of days and do a little hard reset. You need to take care of yourself.
Keeping things simple means, hey, no, you're not going to get the parenting award of the year right now. But what you can do is just kind of show up in a different way, maybe like show up in a real way. Right.
Like, yeah, I know we're the parents and we provide that stability for our kids, but it's OK to talk with our kids about the things that are hard right now. They need to understand that we can deal with hard things and they can be hard. Does that make sense? We can say, yeah, this is really hard.
What might be helpful? OK, so talking with our families and the people in our lives about how we're actually doing instead of just like everything's fine, we're doing fine. No, we're not doing fine. We don't know if there's even going to be school in the fall.
And does it help us to worry about that? Well, probably not. I guarantee you when they know what's happening, you'll be the first to know. Right.
Like you will find out what is happening when it's happening and then it will change and you will find that out, too. And so you don't need to mess with your brain and put it into this hypervigilant mode of always needing to worry about what might happen next and trying to plan for that. And I know I know that some of you are like, oh, come on, Rebecca.
It's easier said than done. And yes, it is easier said than done. But it ain't that you can't do it because here's the thing.
You can grow. You can be insightful. You can be present in your life and affect change bit by bit by bit.
You can be constructive. You can turn negativity and worry into like just some positivity, some hope. Right.
Maybe things will be better in a year or so. Maybe this situation is causing us to look at what's going on in our society, in our world, in our countries and say, oh, we really need to get some change going. I think that's probably happening in my country.
You know, we're just kind of looking at things and going, OK, this is not sustainable. Right. And that's a good thing.
And yes, we're in the muck right now. We're in the hard part. But here's the deal.
What goes down must come up. And so things are going to get better. Things are going to be different, but they're going to be OK.
And there's so much loss and there's so much grief. And I see that and I hear it daily. And that's a thing that we can get through, too, guys.
Lean on your people for support. Say what's really true for you and be willing to take a step back and get into your own life and your own body and your own family and see what's good there. Because there is good there, even though, you know, we're all really struggling in our own, again, very personal and unique ways.
There is good here, right? Whether it's like the forced personal growth project that we're all up against or like we just kind of look into our lives and go, man, I love these people, right? There's good here. So look for it and be a part of it. Try to be present.
I'm here for you. I know you're here because you care about being insightful and learning and working on yourself and helping other people in your life work on themselves. And so let's just dig in and continue to do that.
I'm here for you. We're just going to keep plugging. Take really good care of yourself this week.
Thanks for listening. Did you know one in four people report anxiety? Who knows how many more are suffering in silence? It's a problem. Here's what I know.
If people want to solve the problem of anxiety, not just cope with it, they need to get educated. They need to learn what anxiety is, why they have it, and what they need to do to get rid of its control in their lives. That's why I created the anxiety course, because we need to stop thinking that therapy is the only place to get help.
Not everyone with anxiety needs therapy and a bunch of education never hurt. You might not get that in therapy. If you know someone who's anxious and tired of coping, send them along to my site.
The link is in the show notes. This is one way I can help. I hope you found today's show helpful.
It would mean a lot to me if you'd rate, review, or subscribe so that we can reach more people with this type of information. Here's the deal. I'd like to get rid of some of the stigma around mental health, and this is how I'm doing it.
We just need to have these conversations. If you really want to dig in, join me on social media or join my private Facebook group for more tools, support, and possibilities for change. Head to the link in the show notes at rebeccahuntermsw.com. Way to show up today.