I'm Rebecca Hunter and this is Take Out Therapy. As a private practice therapist, I've helped a lot of people work through some of the most common everyday issues using new tools and greater insight. If you have any interest in doing some personal growth work, this might be the perfect place for you.
In the next 20 minutes, I'll walk you through a commonly explored topic in therapy and provide you with actual tools to deal with it. It's that simple. Obviously, this is not a substitute for therapy, but I think it could be helpful.
Thanks for being here. Hello friends. Thanks so much for being here today.
Here is something that has been coming up a lot and I think will hopefully help you out a little bit. It's helped me out a little bit in the past week and so I thought it would be good to put it out there. One of the most common complaints that I get from people when they come into both my private practice office and when they come into my online community, because I have questions before people can enter my private group that they have to answer, and one of the most common complaints, one of the most common answers is that people are overthinking.
It is like a constant flow of this word, overthinking. We also call it monkey mind. I created a little handout on my website that deals with it because I was hearing it so much and there's a lot you can actually do about it, but that's not what this episode is about.
Monkey mind is basically a term that originated from Buddhism that basically is like our mind is just, it hops, it hops from thing to thing, never really slowing down, like a monkey in the trees, right? Here to there to everywhere and we can't really get control of it. And so like, hey, do you, does this sound familiar? I don't really, I've never met anybody who doesn't like churn sometimes. I call it a churn.
So I was kind of hearing about this a lot, right? I always hear about this a lot and it would be easy for me to do this othering thing, meaning, oh, that's something that other people have going on, but it doesn't really apply to me. And the other day I was, I had like this aha moment where I was sitting in my hot tub and I realized that I have literally been living in my head for weeks. So notice I'm laughing because this is how I am about like myself and my quirks and how I exist.
It's not like, oh my God, I'm so frustrated. I'm such an idiot. Blah, blah, blah.
I'm like, oh shit. I just had like a weeks long period of not kind of being grounded, being centered, being in my body. And then I was like, wow, this is crazy.
So I kind of started going through what had happened where I'm, I have, I have been overthinking. Yeah, for a while. I did some, I did some work around it and I'm not overthinking anymore.
I'm dropping in more often and I'm frankly water. A lot of people talk about like, oh, I love water. Water is so great.
I take all these baths and I'm like, yeah, because water sometimes helps people like get into their body, you know, when we're sitting, when we're living in our head and we're overthinking all the time. Sometimes when we get in like a tub of water, we just go, oh, and the brain just kind of rests for a hot second. I've had a ton of stuff going on as have we all right.
The past cut, it's like, I want to say a few weeks and I have to say a few months, which is wild. You guys in early March, we went to Florida and it was wacky. It was a super fun vacation, but it was also like the pandemic was very swiftly coming into our country and it was like, darn, darn.
So we're like down in Florida, in Orlando, we wanted to take the boys to Disney world. So it was like this very weird mix of like, this is a great family vacation. One probably of the last that we're going to have before my oldest son leaves for college now.
And, um, and you know, that was a valuable experience and a lot of good emotion. And then like this giant shark, right, that's sort of coming. And I felt really a lot of pressure to like get home.
And basically as soon as we got home, um, we kind of had to go into quarantine, um, where I live. And so like all this stuff's happened, right. And busy, it's like all this, um, all this virus stuff.
And then just like business stuff, right. Trying to pivot in my business to where I like have a business and can see people and can help people in a totally different way than I really, um, thought I was going to be. And so that was a lot of thinking guys.
And then like, there's excitement there because, um, you know, I have my online course and that's that community is really growing and thriving and it's super fun to watch that part of my business grow. I've worked really hard on that. So that's like really good emotion.
Then my son graduated and then it was like more, you know, openings. And so things kind of started to, um, loosen up a little bit. And then I went on like this one night women's retreat with like just a very, um, small group of people and yeah, social distancing and all of it.
And it was like calm and peaceful. And then I, and then I kind of woke up the next week and I was like, oh shit, I've been completely living in my head. So I, I want to talk about this because when we live in our heads, we are not really in touch with our true selves.
So like there's a lot of thinking happening on a very kind of cerebral level, but there's not a lot of feeling. And so both things are really important. And in order to be healthy, like I know I have to be not only thinking right.
And being inspired and being passionate and, um, you know, just like critical thinking skills, but also I need to be in my body. Like, because that's where I know what's up. Um, that helps me in my relationship.
Like if things are kind of off, I feel it. If I'm in a thinking mode, I'm kind of like, I gotta go to work. I gotta do this.
I gotta do this. Right. I need to think through this.
And I don't notice kind of what's going on around me, frankly. And so I have to sort of slow down, live in my body so that I can kind of feel my life. Cause then I can be like, oh, Hey, like, are we doing okay? Are we in sync? Are we connected enough? Are we, are we taking good care of our relationship? Or like, I can see my kids and be like, Hey dude, like you seem down.
Like, what is it that you need? But when I'm living in my head, I don't feel those things. Like, I don't really see, I take up a lot of space, frankly, right. I'm just like Tasmanian devil in the middle of the living room.
Nobody likes to live with me. Okay. So we're, you know, a lot of us are experiencing this.
The, the world is a very anxious and stressed out place right now. And there's a lot of moving pieces and frankly, it's just too much. So if you like me have been living in your head for weeks on end, then I'm hoping that this episode will be helpful for you.
You know, it's not, I want to, I want to just reiterate here that like a lot of thinking and not enough kind of being in your body. It's not good for us. It's not good for our bodies.
Basically. It keeps us awake at night. It's it, it causes kind of this constant churn because you can actually, you can elicit emotion.
Right. Like if I tell you right now, something really sad, I'm basically like going to elicit sadness. You know, it's like, oh, let's not talk about that.
Right. But when we're thinking all the time, we don't, we don't filter ourselves. You guys, it's just a constant train.
So we, it keeps us from sleeping. It's not good for our bodies. It kind of ramps up our adrenals.
Forget about like being focused or being productive. And that is kind of what clued me in you guys, because I was just churning along. I could not kind of I do some time blocking.
I can be really organized and productive. And I just wasn't able to do that. And I was like, oh, that's part of it.
Right. I found that I was doing like too much stuff, frankly, and none of it particularly. Well, do you ever feel like that? Like you're kind of running around doing all this stuff.
And at the end of the day, you're like, okay, well, I got like 50 things a quarter of the way done. That's awesome. Right.
And when we're constantly churning in our heads, we don't really know how to move forward in life. Like it really stunts our personal growth. Like, frankly, there is not a lot of personal growth happening when we're churning, overthinking and stuck in monkey mind.
Right. We're really busy overestimating our own level of importance. Frankly, that's what I mean by taking up a lot of space.
It's like, I'm really busy. I, you know, somebody else is going to have to do this. Right.
The other thing is like, I stopped doing my dishwasher day. I know it sounds silly, you guys, but like, I was like, I have way too much going on right now. I cannot unload the dishwasher.
My kids are kind of like, well, we have a schedule. Like, what's up with that? Right. So like, I was a little bit like overestimating my own level of importance of all my thoughts.
Right. So we got to get out of this. If you're living in your head, like I have been, you and me, we have to get out of our head and into our body.
We need to just dial it down a couple of notches. So here's how to tell if you're living in your head. You're just thinking all the time, right? Things are not going that well.
You're having a lot of different emotions that actually aren't really related to your own life. Okay. And so, yes, go to my website and download the little handout because it'll help you.
But in order to kind of get more balanced, you've got to get in your body. So you're going to be happier and healthier and more able to handle life's crap. If you just like kind of come on in, right, and just spend a little bit of time in your body, it teaches your brain like that you're in charge, actually.
Right. So one of the ways that you can do this is to just breathe. And I know you just rolled your eyes.
I saw you. I know. We always talk about breath and people get so freaking annoyed.
They're like, I'm fucking breathing. What are you talking about? Seriously, you guys, breathing is a skill. You do not necessarily know exactly how to breathe to calm your nervous system.
So let me just teach you one method. It's called four, four, four. So four times a day, you do four, four count box breaths.
It's basically like four counts in, four counts hold it, four counts out, four counts hold it. It's called box breath. Look it up.
Another way you can get in your body is to meditate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it's really hard.
That's the point. Here's the deal is that the purpose of meditation in this context is basically to discipline your brain. So all you have to do really is set a timer for five or 10 minutes and just try not to think for that length of time.
Just be silent and try to focus on anything you can besides your thinking. Okay. And then all you do is like when you notice that you're thinking, which you will be for most of the time that you're sitting there, just when you notice it, just try not to focus on that.
Just, just move your focus. We go into all this stuff in my online course, and it's really fun to hear people kind of learn about the process of like breathing. Oh my God, I had no idea how to breathe.
Meditation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is really, really interesting.
I'm learning to control my thinking. The other thing that we go into and that's super, super helpful is the idea of movement. You guys, movement helps get us in our bodies.
Absolutely. Yes. Hands down every time.
Okay. And it doesn't have to be anything major, like bend over, just stretch your body. Stretching is a really nice way to get in our bodies.
We're on this like whole yoga thing and okay, yeah, sure. Do a fricking yoga class, but you don't have to. You could just bend over.
You can just sit on the floor and put your feet, you know, kind of together at your pelvic area and just feel your body. This is how we get in the body, right? We create feeling there and then we go there. We focus there.
Feel your muscles. See if you can feel your skeleton. Feel any tension that is in your body through movement.
This will be really helpful to get you in your body. And then I would say lastly, you just kind of have to work it out on an emotional level and let it go, which is like a whole other episode. I just did a self-help episode, which will be really helpful for you if you want to go into that emotional level.
Doing that is easier said than done. But basically, in the end, you guys, we only have control over ourselves. Our own thinking is ours to own.
We are responsible for our thinking. And if there's too much of it, there's a solution for that. And just as a side note, a lot of our thinking when we're overthinking is sometimes about other people.
I hear that. I hear that all the time. So what we're thinking about the context is about other people.
Maybe I'm worried about what other people think about what I said or what I did or what I should do. Or I'm worried about people thinking about my actions or my attitude. Motherhood is basically an ongoing shit show of worrying and thinking and trying to get other people to do things they don't really want to do.
Right. So here's the deal. Trying to control others is really stressful.
And it causes us to feel anxiety and stress. We can get stuck in this emotional vice grip of annoyance and frustration. When we're trying to not necessarily even control others, but like trying to figure other people out.
So if you're somebody that experiences anxiety or like you're super stressed or overwhelmed all the time, which, you know, I kind of specialize there, then you likely sometimes would really appreciate having a little more control over what others are thinking and doing. Right. I know.
I know. We go into depth in this in my online course. But this is something we have to kind of work out.
This is part of that thinking loop that we have to kind of get control over. So if you're interested in digging in on that emotional level, I did that last week. You know, one thing we just need to remember here, guys, is that when we're in our heads, we're not really in our bodies very much.
And that's a problem because a lot of kind of how we operate in life, it needs to come from our true self, which is when we're residing in our bodies. So it's like when you're all stressed out and you take the time to take a few deep breaths and kind of do a little bit of movement, like there's a reason that feels so good, my friend. It's because you just visited yourself.
And so for my own life, I've been so up in my head. And so what I know is that I need to make a few little tweaks to my routine so that I'm getting into my body on the regular every day for at least a little while, at least a couple of times. And so I'm going to create some structure around that and structure will help my brain latch on to the idea.
And we are going to be good to go over here. What are you going to do about all the overthinking? If you need some help with that, yes, I have that little handout on my website. I'll put the link in the show notes.
And I talk a lot about overthinking in my social media. So if you're interested in hearing more about it, come on along. Just go ahead and click the little buttons if that's something that feels good for you.
But otherwise, I gave you some great ways to kind of just reset, regroup and get out of your head, my friend. Thanks for being here with me. I'll see you next week.
I hope you found today's show helpful. It would mean a lot to me if you'd rate, review or subscribe so that we can reach more people with this type of information. Here's the deal.
I'd like to get rid of some of the stigma around mental health. And this is how I'm doing it. We just need to have these conversations.
If you really want to dig in, join me on social media or join my private Facebook group for more tools, support and possibilities for change. Head to the link in the show notes at RebeccaHunterMSW.com Way to show up today.
