You are listening to Take Out Therapy, speedy sessions for everyday problems. This is your host, Rebecca Hunter. In my role as a private practice therapist, I don't really just tell people what to do, but in this podcast, I'm doing things differently.
In the next few minutes, I'm just going to be straight up with you about what to do in certain situations. Keep listening for awesome tips on how to live a more intentional and less reactive life. Clearly, this is not a substitute for therapy, but I guarantee it might help you.
Listen up. Hello, friends. I'm glad you stopped in today.
We're going to do some serious problem solving. What I'm going to talk about today might change the way you think about difficulty. That's what I'm hoping for anyway.
So bear with me as I try to explain what I'm talking about. We, humans, do this thing where we think that when things don't go according to our plan, that that is a problem. You know what I'm talking about? So what happens is that we get really wrapped up in this whole notion of problem.
And it prevents us from seeing what there is to see there. And so I'm really going to dig into this today. Thinking about things that don't go according to plan or things that are negative in some way, thinking about those things as problems basically puts us in a negative mindset.
Okay? So I am in LA recording some episodes after a business conference. And when I got here, I didn't really understand how to get from point A to point B. I had just downloaded Uber. Please do not make fun of me.
John made me do it. And apparently at LAX, the Uber doesn't pick up right at the airport. So you have to go somewhere else and get on the bus.
It was very complicated. Anyways, I figured it out. I waited a long time and it was a little chaotic.
And I got out there and became totally overwhelmed with the whole situation. And some guy was like, hey, do you want to take a taxi? And I was like, taxi? Now there's a word I know. And I was like, yeah, I want to take a taxi.
So I got in a taxi and came to my hotel. And that whole situation could have been really negative. Oh, by the way, when I got to my hotel, I figured it out later.
And the taxi was twice the price as an Uber. What is up with that? That's not cool. Anyways, if I had looked at that as like, oh, this is terrible.
And all this negativity, like, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going. I'm having to wait a long time.
People are up in my personal space. That could have been a totally different opportunity. But one of the things that I'm working on in my life right now is being patient.
And so with that intention that I just sort of start each day with, of like, I'm working on patients. That's just like my personal project lately. Boy, could I have gone sideways at that whole situation, right? But I'm practicing patience.
So I was like, oh, well, here's an opportunity for me to practice patience. Like, what's that going to look like here, right, while I'm out here waiting for this bus? The buses kept driving by, which is always very frustrating. So people would like, whoa, why are the buses driving by? Anyways, it was kind of a shit show, you guys.
But I was sort of like just stepped back from all that emotion and just thought to myself, OK, this is an opportunity to learn something. So I'm suggesting that problems are opportunities, OK? So can I just go on a quick therapist rant really quick? My field is very set up to deal with problems. So it's super interesting how, like, basically pathologizing people the way that we do and what that means is like saying, oh, you know, you have, you know, you have depression.
Oh, you're depressed, right? You need to, you know, get that straightened out and you should never feel that way. And the labeling and the consequential, all the things that come after that, I'll just say like that has not been very helpful for people in terms of looking at problems as opportunities. And so one of the things that I kind of do differently in my practice is like I never diagnose people.
And so they have to sign a piece of paper, obviously. But like I never label people because that is saying like the way you experience life, that's a problem, right? I just think that's not OK. And yes, it's absolutely fine in, you know, severe situations.
Fine. But, you know, for for things like, you know, burnout or anxiety, depression, some of those things like those those aren't necessarily a problem, but rather an opportunity. I always tell people without the rumble, without the like, and I'll just call it the problem, right? Without that rumble, we don't know what needs to change.
If everything's hunky dory all the time and there's, you know, no rumble. Then we don't have the opportunity to grow. But what I'm saying is we don't have to look at it in a negative way.
We can look at it as learners, lifelong learners, right? Like from a business standpoint, being a business owner and being somebody who's growing a business. If every problem that I come across in my business. Puts me into like the super negative, like, oh, this is such a problem.
This piece of software is so difficult to use, you know, to set up the online side of my business. I've had to learn about all these different pieces of software, you know, applications, I guess, is what we call them now. But if I thought of that as problematic and believe me, you, there have been days where I'm like, this is terrible.
I'm never going to be able to make this happen. Right. And what I've learned and what I continue to learn is that there's only that opportunity to grow.
Right. If I never have the problem, then I don't fully. Basically, understand what needs to change.
Right. It's kind of like getting lost in a big city. Have you guys ever moved to a big city and you don't know where you are and you get lost a lot and then after a while, you know where you are all the time because you got lost so damn much.
But now, you know, the streets, friend. Right. So let's embrace problems and look at them as opportunities in our life and see if we can get some change going.
OK, so here's how we're going to do this. I want you to start to notice when things happen that you perceive as problems. What do you do? I just want to like just go into like an observant mode and just start to think about how you react to problems.
Big and small and tiny, tiny. Like some person put the wrong dressing on your salad. Tiny.
Right. Notice how you react. And then the other thing is like when you're noticing, just just pay attention.
How often are you thinking or talking about life's problems and how does that affect you? Because I promise you there's an effect there. Right. When we're always oh, my gosh, when I'm like stewing about something I perceive as a problem with one of the boys, which is usually my problem and they got no problem with it.
Right. I it affects me very negatively. Like I get super stuck and I don't only get stuck with them.
I get stuck in my work, in my business, right. In my personal growth process. So we have to notice when stuff comes up.
And then again, like you always hear me say this, but we have to inquire. We have to just go in and figure out like is how I'm dealing with this right now helpful? Is this leading me to a solution? Right. Because here's the thing is that sometimes we just need to react and that's OK.
And we have to just be really accepting of the fact that we have the right and the need sometimes to just react. OK. Then if we realize that how we're behaving is not helpful at all to us, we can totally pivot and we can just here's the third step.
Let go. Right. So we notice we figure out if it's working for us and then we let go of trying to of the perception that this situation is a problem.
Basically, we need to let go of our perception about the problem and start looking for the opportunity. What can we learn? So like I said, a lot of times I my brain doesn't like things that take time. Hello, life.
I mean, like I don't really like to wait in line, you guys. I think I've talked to you about this before, but I'm really I don't like to wait in line. So I get into this negative thinking a lot, even before I go to the damn store, because I don't want to wait in the line.
And so instead of seeing this as a problem, waiting in line. Now, what I'm able to do is sometimes I get into that way of thinking when I'm like, oh, all the cashiers are super busy. And the person in front of you has three weeks of groceries.
You can tell I thought this through. I just kind of notice how I'm thinking and then I'm like, oh, OK, this is the opportunity to practice patience. Like, how am I going to do that today? Right.
And so there's so much here for us in problem situations. If we can think of them as opportunities for one thing. How about some grace? Right.
Grace is I think of grace as just like being able to just let go and let life just kind of flow as it is and be OK with that. And you don't have to be happy about it, but you also don't have to be pissed about it either. You can be neutral.
You can. That's what I think of grace as when we come into a more graceful space and we're able to look at problems as opportunities. It changes our relationship with ourself, because I promise you, some of the dynamics in our relationship with ourself that are difficult have to do with how we talk.
Right. And if we're caught up in a bunch of negativity and like problem mode, it's not that helpful. It's not it's not fun to be with us.
We're miserable to be around, frankly. Right. And I when I'm miserable to be around, like I'm miserable, too.
Friends, not just you. We can when we start to really look for opportunity, we can we can actually be more open minded and creative with the problem solving. Meaning if we're like all pissed off about a problem, then it's really hard to be positive about solution and be open minded because we're still pissed off that we didn't get our way.
Right. And so when we let go of that, then we can be like, OK, what are all the possibilities of the situation? I mean, isn't that just such a better way of looking at things rather than, oh, my God, we have a flat tire like and whining and crying. And acting all dramatic like there's really nothing you can control except for your own perception of a negative situation.
And maybe it will lead you to adventure or maybe you'll have a nice conversation with somebody or maybe you'll just be totally neutral and get the thing fixed and go on with your life. Right. And and typically the solutions end up being easier to come by if we look for opportunity instead of being negative.
It's interesting. Negativity crushes creativity. So that's something to remember.
Negativity basically takes away our our brains ability to be open minded and think of cool solutions to everyday problems. So anyways, I hope this is helpful for you. I have been playing around with this idea for quite a while.
And boy, has it helped me not to be such a whiner in the grocery store line. But if you see me there and I have a cranky look on my face, just keep your distance, man. Now I will be practicing being patient from here until forever more.
Thanks for listening. You guys know I'm a total anxiety activist. Well, did you know that anxiety is the most common mental health diagnosis in the US? Almost 7% of our population has a reported problem with anxiety.
And let me say only around 35% of people get treatment for it. You guys, here's what I want to tell you. Anxiety is highly treatable.
You can absolutely get get through it, get over it and heal from it. I created a little group on Facebook. If you have any interest in learning more about how to heal from anxiety, I'm like all fired up giving people lots of information and resources on that.
So come join us. The Anxiety Recovery Club on Facebook. Thanks.
Thanks so much for listening. This podcast is not meant to be a substitute for therapy, but I hope it was super helpful for you in any case. I want to be part of some much needed change, but I'm going to need your help.
Please subscribe and review the podcast. Recommend it to your friends and family and share it on social media. We're living in the digital age, people.
Let's do some good where we can. Right. Visit my website at Rebecca Hunter, MSW dot com to have access to resources, videos and the show notes if that interests you.
And again, I'm so grateful you're listening to Take Out Therapy. Thanks.
