Stop Complaining
Speaker 0: Welcome to Takeout Therapy. I'm Rebecca Hunter. A therapist who knows therapy is actually very expensive and believes that mental health education should be free. Stick with me for the next few minutes and you'll learn something that will help you think about life differently. Or maybe manage things better for yourself.
This podcast is authentic. It's unedited and without a bunch of ads. All I ask is that you pass it along. Please forward an episode to a friend in need. And if you like my style and you wanna do some work with me, come join the club at takeouttherapy dot com.
Let's get to work. Hello. Hello there. I'm glad you're back for more personal growth work. I feel like there's always things that we all need to work on.
And I'm not just talking about you, I'm talking about me as well. You know, I've one thing I wanna say before I start today is so does I really appreciate all of the reviews that you guys have left for me. It has helped. It's just really interesting you know, I wanna get this thing out to as many people as possible. And the reason for that is that as a therapist, people just don't have enough mental health education.
And then life's really hard, and then they think there's something wrong with themselves. And so That's why I do this project because I think it's really important as a society that we kind of stop thinking that way. And we get behind ourselves and do some work. So that's why I do this project. And every time I get a positive review, my listener numbers go up.
And so if you care about this project and you wanna become invested in it, leave a review. I recently got this review and I love it so much. It says, I really love her personality. It's positive without being fake. That was number one.
Number two, I really like that the episodes are all around twenty minutes because it keeps me tuned in. Other mental health podcasts can be an hour or longer. And before I know it, I realize I haven't been listening for the past however many minutes. I love this review so much. First of all, at fifty years old, it's like, you just don't have the energy to be fake anymore.
So I just have to be myself and and hope that that is appropriate. You know, you guys are pretty lucky because I really try hard on this podcast not to say a lot of the f word. I've recently been thinking about changing over to an explicit rating, but we'll see about that. And then I love the second comment of this review because I am the exact same way, my friend. I my attention span is like that of a gnat.
And my attention span is long enough to record twenty minutes and listen to myself talk for twenty minutes. So I loved your review. Thank you so much. The last part of it says, the information is actually helpful. I've gotten away from taking care of myself because I've been so focused on taking care of others and this is the perfect podcast to get back into caring about me.
That warms my heart. That is why I do this work. So, hey, you guys. Will you do me a favor? Leave a review after today's podcast or maybe you can just do it right now.
I'm here for you. Be here for this project. Let's keep this thing going. It's super, super fun. Anyways, I'm so positively focused today.
Which is very uncommon because usually when I start the podcast, I'm like, the weather sucks in Oregon. I do complain a lot. About the weather. You know, it's funny about me. I'd like to get into this idea about stop complaining.
And the reason is is because it's something that I work on daily in my life. When I was first married in one of the classic we call them hunter summits, which basically means huge days long arguments over stupid stuff early on in marriage when we had those. My sweet sweet man was kind enough to let me know that I complain literally all the time and was driving him crazy. And the funny thing is, I kind of agreed. I heard myself doing all this complaining I've been doing it all my life.
When I was a kid, I complained a lot. Let me open my seltzer. So from that point forward, I swear it seltzer. It's glycerid lime. I love that.
Stuff. I'm really into it right now. Anyways, when I was a kid, I complained a lot. And I remember my parents talking about me, like, you know, she complained so much or stop complaining. And so it's really interesting because don't forget the habit of complaining It grows in childhood.
Remember. Right? All of the things about us that we look at today they're kind of pattern oriented and they've been there a while. So when I talk about complaining, I just wanna let you know that, like, there are roots there, my friend. And I know we kind of rag on ourselves and we are like, oh, I'm so annoyed about this.
I need to knock it off. And I'll just say, like, It's a cognitive habit. Seeing the negative in situations and people with literally everything in the weather. Hello, Rebekah. It is natural for the brain to do that.
And for whatever reason, those of us who complain a lot, it was kind of trained in our minds, early in our lives. So you can take the heat off of yourself and stop kind of complaining about your complaining to yourself. And I'll help you to change those. Brain patterns. To change that, it's kind of what I think of as like a bad cognitive habit complaining.
It makes everything miserable. And I remember realizing like, oh, man, he's right. I complain all the time about everything. I complain about people. I complain about food.
I complain about the weather. I complain about traffic. I complain. Like, I when I was younger, I could do some complaining, my friend. And I don't judge people for complaining, but I personally realized that it just wasn't serving me.
It wasn't like expansive and open, curious, and kind. It became kind of this negative inner dialogue that I had to live with every single day. Are you relating to me here? Do you complain sometimes? And it does it drive you miserable just to be with yourself?
Because, you know, it does impact after a while when we just complain and complain about things, it impacts our mental health. It impacts our relationship with ourself really negatively. I just know that when I'm in a crappy complaining mood, I don't wanna be around myself. And so I'll do stupid things, you know, like numb out or benchwatch some crap that I don't really wanna be binge watching when I have actually productive things that I want to be doing. You know, that kind of behavior.
And so in that way, just to go a little woo, I'll say, it's kinda low vibe. Two, it's like a slow, heavy energy, complaining. It's like, oh, isn't it? It doesn't feel uplifting. It certainly is not inspiring.
So I say, you and I both should just stop all the complaining. We can do it together. And here's how we're gonna do it. This is where you get your pen and your paper or you you know, just remember what I say because I'm gonna give you some steps. So, you know, how the brain thinks all the time about everything?
Well, one of the things that's really important about stopping, complaining is to not let your brain do that. Because basically and you know, I am like basic basic concepts here. Because I want you to understand this stuff as well as I do sometimes. Right? Like, I only need to understand things so far too.
But basically, the mind thinks all the time and it likes to focus on the negative stuff. And so when it does that, we follow the mind with our words. Or with our thoughts. Right? So it's always looking for things to be wary of when we walk into a room, it doesn't see the pretty things right away.
It's very, very quickly without our knowing, without our consciousness at all, scans for all the things we don't like. People we don't like, the colors, we don't like all the things. Because negative negative things, negative vibe. Right? I could say that.
I could say Things that don't feel good are danger in the mind. So it's just always like negative nancy. We talk a lot about this in the Takeout Therapy Club. So if you're interested in, like, diving deeper into yourself in this regard, Come on over. I'll show you how to do it.
Anyways, we want to be able to understand that our brain is always thinking and that we need to become a leader instead of a follower. So instead of following negative thoughts, we want to just kind of watch for them and be like, oh, that's a negative thought. So it's like, you know, how you start out. You're like, I hate that girl. I hope she doesn't talk to me.
You're in the, you know, corn aisle or whatever. And you see somebody in your whole system responds to it. Just watch for that. And notice it. Be curious.
Like, oh, okay. Like, that's there. Instead of going further down the rabbit hole. And frankly, it doesn't matter how far down the rabbit hole you've already gone, you can always come back. So that's the other thing.
It's like, you can always come back to the present moment. Right? And you wanna be curious, after you come back to the present moment, you're like, I'm just not gonna do that right now. You know, you noticed it. You stopped it.
You came back to the present moment, and that's the intervention. Right there to stop complaining. And so it seems kinda silly and it seems kinda simple and people actually get kinda hacked off when I tell them this, which you guys I'm trying to make it easy on you. I'm trying not to complicate things. I'll add a couple steps for you.
To help it be a little bit more of a process. But basically, what I'm saying is that when you notice you're complaining, focus on something else and tell yourself this is the addition It's a mantra. It's just a three or four word statement. Tell yourself something you believe about why you're redirecting your thinking. This is how you do it.
Okay? So you notice it and you're like, oh, I am. I am being complaining. It's already maybe come out of your mouth. It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter. You just stop right there. And you can even say, I'm trying not to complain as much. Sorry about that. If you want to, but you don't have to.
This can be a totally internal private process. And just notice it. Notice that it's happening. Maybe do a little bit of self inquiry like how do I feel my body? If you're if you're kind of, like, interested in doing that, like, body based work.
If you're more of a thinking thinker, then ask yourself like, well, why is this going on? Right? Or how is this feeling for me? Emotionally. Right?
Okay. And then what you wanna do is stop, redirect, become part of the present moment, And I've done lots of episodes on mindfulness, so go search one out or join my club, and I'll teach you. And then you wanna insert a mantra here. Montre. It's just a little statement.
It's just a little empowered positive statement that you can remember It's like, I am willing to stop complaining. I really want to stop complaining. I'm trying to work on this and I'm willing to do it. I'm willing to redirect my thoughts. Right?
You can pick any tiny little bit of that. That resonates for you or you can make up a statement that means something to you about why you want to stop complaining. And it's not like It's not self criticizing. No. No.
No. No. No. No. That's not how we achieve change.
It just doesn't work like that. I'm so sorry. Research shows it. I didn't just make it up. When we're kind to ourselves, And we can just like give ourselves a tiny bit of grace for being human and thinking, hey, life is so annoying.
There's so much to complain about. And people They're they're kind of annoying too sometimes, aren't they? Yes, they are. I even annoy myself and I can complain about that. But when we can kinda clip that, when we can discipline for it.
When we can talk about it in a way that's empowering and helpful to ourselves with kindness and grace. Oh, so much easier to get change going. You know what I'm saying? So what I always say and what I've told you before if you listen to the podcast is my mantra has always been when I'm first starting a project and I don't know what the hell my mantra is, I say, it's okay. And that's my cue of like, I love you.
You're human. Just redirect your mind. It's not that hard. And it is hard, but this is my mantra and this is where I am. Right?
But it's always it's okay. That's all I say. It's just a quick little cue that helps get me on a track I'm like, no, it is okay. I can point out something positive, which is another add on for you. Just point out something positive.
Be like, oh, my aunt, Linda, she's always annoying. Oh, but, you know, I really do enjoy her cookies. Just some positive. Yes. It rains all the time in Oregon, but you know what?
You guys, it is flipping beautiful where I live. It is the it is the scenic area of our nation. So, you know, when I complain, That's not helpful to me. It doesn't help you wanna come here, which is maybe why I do it. I don't know.
I'm just kidding. That's a little Oregon joke. Anyways, I hope this episode helps. It's important to give yourself grace and it's important just to be willing to, like, just kind of curb your thinking. Be like, I don't really wanna complain about stuff.
I'm not gonna do that. And here's how I'm gonna do it. Follow some easy steps. And you'll notice that you notice other people complaining and you don't wanna do it anymore. Because it's a bad feeling.
It doesn't feel good. And it's really more helpful to help your mind to learn that there is a lot of negativity and it's not we don't have to get into it. For one thing, then it can start to move on quickly. It will also help your mind to start to see the positive. You, my friend, are the leader of this parade for you.
And so your mind is waiting for you to teach it, how you want it to behave. It's true story. You can do it. So can I, let's stop complaining together? Okay.
Alright. We'll do it. I'll see you very, very soon. I hope to see you in the club. I'm having a lot of fun with it.
I've done two workshops so far and I have a killer schedule lined up for the rest of the year. So come join me. It's super cheap. Super easy for you to do your personal growth work. Just like you're doing right here, only just a little bit deeper.
Okay. See you soon. Thanks for listening. The goal of this project is really to provide mental health education to everyone who needs So if you want to help me with that, forward an episode to a friend or write a kind review, pleats. And if you like my style and you're ready to dig in, do some work with me, come join the club at takeout therapy dot com, where I'm now hosting a monthly mental health maintenance club.
I also do classes, groups, and one on one co voting and therapy. It's time for change. Are you ready?
