?The Art of Disengagement
?I'm so happy you've decided to join me for today's episode. I've been thinking about something and I've got to get it off my chest. That's what today's episode is meant to do. Help me get something off my chest. No, here's what I want to talk about and here's our goal for today's episode.
People get really worked up about situations that are happening and other people and their behavior and their attitudes. We just get really engaged on this deep level by how annoying people are or how irritated we are with the situation or how, frustrating it is that this person did this thing.
We get so worked up about things and today I want to talk to you about the art of disengagement. The goal is to help you to make choices about how you spend your mental energy and make sure that it matters enough to you. And then learn to disengage. from things that don't matter to you at all.
Okay. So if you're somebody who gets driven up the freaking wall by other people and their annoyingness, This episode is for you. Perhaps you waste your time thinking about how irritated, frustrated, confused, annoyed you are about situations and people stick around.
I'm going to help you out with this. But as a before I forget, I'm doing that thing again, I'm giving things away. I'm so weird like that. I just want to give people the resources they need when they need them in order to feel your best. And it's fun. So, here's today's giveaway is one of the major complaints I hear from people is about the overthinking.
It's driving us all batty. Yes, I know. It's why people come into therapy a lot of the time. So today I'm going to help you out with this a little bit. During the pandemic, I took a whole week of my life and I made this short class about overthinking and it used to be for sale, but it's kind of older material and I'm a better teacher now.
And frankly, my hair looks really bad. Um, so do you want to have this class for free? Do you want to learn to overcome overthinking, become more present, more. Focus and less scattered and overwhelmed because I made an entire class for you for crying out loud. Just go to the show notes and pop into that link and you can just sign up and take it right now.
It's pretty short class and it will really, really help you. And so I think this will help you with today's podcast content as well, because what we're going to discuss today, this idea that we don't always have to be so engaged with the mind or a person or a situation.
It's really important to learn this and to choose your path. Because if you don't choose your path, your mind is always going to go to what's wrong, right? So here's the deal. We get really worked up about all these situations and how other people behave. And then our whole mind space and emotional and mental energy goes in that direction.
So why did why do we do this? Why does it bother us so much? Why does this stuff take up so much space?
And can we choose? Something different because here's the thing is when we're all worked up and we're all tweaked out about something or someone We're not as engaged in our own life. For one thing, we start to behave differently in the situation or with the people. We're not really being super authentic.
Not in lines with how we typically are, and not in line with our values, but more as a response. Uh, response or a reaction to whatever's going on that we don't like. We oftentimes behave badly, right? Because we get triggered and we are unlike our best selves.
We play games with people or in situations even when we don't play games, you know, like little silly games, passive aggressive little games, whether it's in the workplace or with people. And so we get like really engaged.
And it becomes very distracting to our own lives, to our own goals, to our own, you know, like what we care about. It's a, it's a complete waste of time and energy. And don't forget, like, we all have this experience. We all get into this state of mind and being that we just are all riled up about things. And so today I want to teach you how to get unriled up, how to kind of change this dynamic a little bit so that you can choose what to be engaged with and choose what not to engage with.
Okay, so here's an example. Years ago, we had a really annoying neighbor. She would complain about things we did, she would complain about things we didn't do, she would complain about things we had control over, things we didn't have control over, she would complain about politics and money and community government.
Oh my goodness, it was so annoying and I used to get really riled up about it. And finally, I realized oh my gosh, I don't have to engage with this person. She's not somebody I particularly need, or want in my life. Her causes are not my causes. Her, like, little emergencies, requests, and all the things, they're not my things.
And so, this is what I'm talking with you about today. We get to choose our level of engagement with people and situations. In the end, I just chose not to engage with this person, which means whenever she would text me a complaint, I just wouldn't text her back. Or whenever she would complain at us in the road, I just wouldn't really respond.
I just decided, I don't need to engage with any of this. This is a one person circus and I don't need to be involved in it. And so I'm encouraging this. from you as well. Choose what to engage with and what not to engage with.
Because your mental health is more important than engaging with things that aren't good for you, right? Yeah, so let's get to some solutions now.
If you've got a situation you can bring to mind right now, that might be helpful. But just to sort of explore what is happening, do a little discovery, like what's bugging you, right? What, what kind of vibe is this situation? Meaning like what's happening for you?
So we have to do a little bit of discovery and talk to ourselves about what's going on here, right? What are we responding to actually. Is this actually a problem? You know, when it comes to people, the way I like to describe this discovery too, is like, if somebody's in your dog house, Do they feel connected or disconnected to you?
Right? If somebody's jumping on your last nerve. Does their presence, does their energy, does it feel open? Curious? Open? Loving? Or does it feel kind of defended and closed? Because when, People feel disconnected from us, whether they're guarded or they're just purposely don't want to connect. When they feel closed off to us, that in and of itself might be the issue.
Humans, we like to connect. We're kind of into it. And so when we can't read somebody or we don't understand their vibe, it kind of tweaks us out a little bit, right? And we can either engage in that or We don't have to if we don't want to, but the discovery of ourselves and our response and what's happening for us is so important because oftentimes we get into these situations where we get all riled up about something and we don't slow down to say, like, what's going on here?
So slow down. Do some discovery work and see if you can figure out if you want to be engaged with this or not. And then you get to make choices, which is so awesome, right? What are your current choices about how to respond to this situation or individual? And more importantly, what would bring you the most peace?
Can we go for peace? I love that idea, right? Because when we're all twisted up with something and our mind is running over it time and time again, that's not peace. That is not even close to peace. So then after doing some discovery and doing a little inquiry, you gotta do a behavior. Meaning, when we get roped into something, we typically just react, but when we slow things down and we do some discovery, some inquiry, then we don't have to react, right?
So we can work on becoming untriggered. I do have podcast episodes on that. You can go to my takeout therapy website. You can search trigger and they will all come up. You can get untriggered, right? Meaning you can just teach your system really quick in short order. Like Hey dude, this isn't something we need to get all worked up about.
And then you get to disengage. If it's something that you're not going to get anything out of via by engaging in it, you don't have to engage. If it's something that's not going to promote good emotional, mental health and, feel healthy, worthwhile, in line with your values and what you want out of your life.
Don't engage in it, right? We have all these kinds of situations. Somebody sends us an email. Somebody asks us a question. Somebody says something to us. A group of people do a thing that we don't like. Somebody puts something on their social media that's beyond offensive. You get to choose what to engage with.
And that's my message for you today. And I think it's important to say is that once you do a little discovery and some inquiry work, please choose whether it's healthy and peaceful for you to engage with whatever you're about to respond to. And if you decide to disengage, that is a very empowered choice.
of choosing how to spend your life force, your energy, your emotional, tokens, you only have so much to give. And so this episode is to help you sort, , what should I give right here? What do I want to give? What might bring me peace and what might upset me further? You don't have to send the email.
You don't have to put the comment. You don't have to respond. You get to choose. So I hope this podcast inspires you to just like let go of something, any little thing that you want to choose so that you can have just a little bit more peace this week. That is what I wish for you. Just a little bit more peace this week.
If you like that idea. Don't forget, I'm giving you a full on free online class about how to stop overthinking. So go to takeouttherapy. com and grab it right away, my friend. Okay. I'll see you again soon.
? Thanks so much for joining me today. To support this free resource, subscribe, review, and pass an episode along to a friend in need. And always, please get the level of support that you need for your situation. Want a full session? Just reach out. I'm here to help. Head to TakeOutTherapy. com for lots more resources and to join my community.
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