Work In Progress
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[00:00:00] Thanks for listening to Take Out Therapy, where you can improve your mental health, emotional stability, and life skills in less than 20 minutes a week. Simple, straightforward, authentic advice and education, right from a private practice therapist and anxiety expert. I'm Rebecca Hunter, and this is better mental health, delivered.
Visit TakeOutTherapy. com for lots more resources to help you thrive.
Well, hello there, friend. Welcome to take out their B where the goal is to get a quick mental health boost. I tried to provide you with simple, straightforward lessons about everyday topics that come up either in my own life and growth process. Or in the therapy office where I work with people every day to help them improve their lives.
So today's episode is no different. A quick conversation about an often used phrase that [00:01:00] sometimes gets on my last nerve and maybe yours too. I'm hoping that by the end of this episode, you can say that you are a work in progress and actually know what that means and be able to validate to yourself that it's true. So I'll start today's episode with a short story. Of a tense moment in my marriage.
I got in a little fight with my husband. We were walking in nature. I woke up that morning and I was just kind of, um, reflecting on a behavior that keeps happening in our dynamic that I'm kind of done with. Have you ever been in this situation where there's a pattern, right. And we talk about the pattern and yet my friend in relationships, sometimes patterns continue on this morning.
I wasn't feeling particularly. Patient. And so my approach was not [00:02:00] productive. And, I'll qualify that by saying sometimes when I, um, hacked off at my husband. I will wait until a peaceful moment and then I will pounce on him. So we're out there. We're walking in nature. It's really beautiful.
We're enjoying this quiet. Relaxing walk and lo and behold, I pounce right. And I say, I'm so sick of this, blah, blah, blah. How come this keeps happening? Duh and rightly so. Because of my unproductive introduction to this conversation, he got defensive, you know, here's the thing. When we attack people, they're going to be defensive.
So if you find that you can't reach somebody with your approach, change your approach. Now this doesn't always work for all of us. I make this mistake all the time, but I've been married long enough that we know how to circle [00:03:00] back. So instead of just a 30 minute conversation, we actually liked to have three days summits. Just kidding. We're a work in progress.
So here's the deal. I brought up this issue and he got defensive and he's trudging along. It's kinda hot I'm just like looking at the back of this man. And he says, Well, I'm sorry, but I'm a work in progress. Oh, my friend. After the fire left my eyeballs. And my head was done exploding for the rest of the hike.
I just ruminated on it. I decided like I'm not going to talk anymore about this because a my approach failed M B. Then I got like stuck in this trap. Of like examining that statement and lucky for you. I'm doing a podcast on it today. You [00:04:00] know, I think it's funny, like, you know, couples fight, we're supposed to fight. part of the trick to lasting relationship is actually learning how to fight.
It's a skill set that literally none of us learn when we're growing up. And so we're kind of bad at it. Right? And I just remember trudging behind this man. I'm super pissed off at him. And I'm thinking you are not a work in progress. You are a piece of work.
I got over it. We worked it out, but I thought a lot about this statement.
I'm a work in progress. And I want to talk to you about it today because it's something that we say, and it's something we hear the people that we're working in relationship with. Say. And. I just want to poke out a little bit. And help us to be a little bit more reflective and conscious. When we're going to use this phrase because frankly. If you're not [00:05:00] doing any work and you're not making any progress, it's just an excuse. It's lazy to say that you're a work in progress when there is nothing really happening.
That's different. Does that make sense? It's a great way actually. To take a piece of content. Like, you know, the thing that I was kind of upset about and deflect it, meaning now I'm not upset about that thing. Now. I'm just upset that you use this phrase. That doesn't mean anything to me. Right? It's supposed to mean like I'm working on it. I've made changes. There's been progress, right. But oftentimes we can't even really wrap our minds around like, well, what does that look like?
Right. And so here is what I decree. We are not allowed to use the phrase. I'm a work in progress without first [00:06:00] understanding what it means. And that it can be used as an excuse. Or as evidence of two things work. And progress if we're going to use the phrase, I'm a work in progress or she's a work in progress or he's a work in progress. Then we need to define two things work. What are the things that we're actually doing to change? What are the actions, the specific actions that we're taking. To learn and grow as a person. Okay.
So that's the first question. And the second question is what's the progress. What exactly are the markers that we can see that things are changing in order to use this phrase? I'm a work in progress you will need to be able to actually see and validate with. Evidence. [00:07:00] That you don't handle things like you used to that there is indeed been progress.
Okay. And I'll say there has to be one rule and it is get specific. Here's the thing about vague statements, such as I'm a work in progress. Uh, besides the fact that they're kind of annoying, is there not specific? There's nothing there that someone can grab onto and be like, oh right.
There's nothing in that statement, it just sounds like a big fat excuse.
So be specific if you're going to use this statement. Talk with somebody about what exactly have you done to understand yourself? What have you done to understand the progress that you'd like to make? Have you read a book?
Have you listened to a podcast? Have you joined a [00:08:00] group? Right. Have you engaged in a healing process of some sort, which is like, I just want to say. Engaging in a healing process is more than just going to your appointments. And, and maybe I could do another podcast on that. Right. Because a lot of people just show up in therapy and then nothing really changes. It takes. Being engaged. In the process in order to get change going, it requires work and does that work that you're talking about? Mean that you're showing up differently. And what does that look like?
So be specific about like, what is the work that you've done? To sort of meet up with this, whatever the issue might be. And then we want to be really specific about the progress because here's the thing. All change is action-based it's not [00:09:00] enough to learn something new. You absolutely must implement it. So, if you're going to use the phrase, I'm a work in progress.
That's fine. What have you implemented into your life? That's different. Are you using new language? Are you using new behaviors? Are you thinking about something differently to try to change your neural pathways or your actions? Are you actually making progress that someone can see? Are you dealing with things? Differently. My intention for you today. Is to help you get really specific about what you mean when you say work in progress. So that it actually means something not just to other people. But to you, and it's not just another thing you say to like, let's get [00:10:00] off of this subject and deflect from the actual subject at hand, but it's a thing you say to validate your own work. And your own progress. Does that make sense? So hopefully this short episode will challenge you to listen for that phrase. In your life, listen to it, come out of your mouth and listen to it said to you by the people in your life.
And you can ask, okay. You're a work in progress. Tell me about that. Tell me about what you're doing as far as the work goes. And what progress that I'm not seeing here. And so as we circled back through this conflict, I have seen. That yes, there has been work on this issue and absolutely there's been a change in the [00:11:00] approach to it, the change in the language around it, and things are slowly shifting.
I think that's the other thing like we are, so blipping impatient for change. Aren't we. And so my friend, when it comes to personal growth and when it comes to healing, It is a process. And so yeah, you are a work in progress. But just start to see what the nitty gritty of that statement means so that you can understand that it is a process. And you are making progress keypad it. It's a lifelong process. This healing and growth work.
Don't stop now. Okay, I'll see you again soon.
Thanks so much for joining me today. To support this free resource, subscribe, review, and pass an episode along to a friend in [00:12:00] need. And always, please get the level of support that you need for your situation. Want a full session? Just reach out. I'm here to help. Head to TakeOutTherapy. com for lots more resources and to join my community.
This is better mental health delivered.
